If you do any research online about adoption, you are sure to come across articles/blogs/stories written by now adult-adoptees who shed a lot of light on what the early generations of adoptive parents “did wrong”.

Years ago adoption was a “big dark secret” that often was kept from a child who somehow still sensed something was “different” about them. Often this secret came out later in life with difficult affects on all involved, but especially the adoptee. Today, adoption is openly discussed. It is no longer a dark secret to be ashamed about, but something many people celebrate. Beyond being discussed in a family, many adoptions today are now “open”, where the birth family and adoptive parents and the child all have a lasting relationship. Social workers and other professionals agree that this openness of information, whether it be an open adoption or a family just speaking honestly and openly about adoption with their children, is in the best interest of all involved.

Another aspect of adoption that has changed is talking about race. There are countless stories out there from adult-adoptees who were adopted transracially that struggled significantly with issues of self-identity, etc. because their parents never discussed race, never exposed them to their culture of birth, never spent time around people of other races, etc. The mind-set used to be that if we ignored racial differences they weren’t there, and if we discussed them, we were racist. Today we know this line of thinking to be very false, and to be very damaging to transracially adopted children.

Here is an article written by a black woman who was adopted at a very young age by a white couple. It is not a happy adoption story. In fact, it is a really good example of what adoptive parents should NOT do.

I have no doubt that I make plenty of my own parenting mistakes, and I have no doubt that the adoptive parents years ago loved their children and thought that they were doing the right thing. Who knows, maybe when our kids are grown they will tell us what we should have done differently.

But as adoptive parents now, we have the advantage of learning from the mistakes of the past. We know how important it is for transracially adopted children to learn about and be proud of their culture at birth. We know they racial differences need to be acknowledged. We know kids need to learn about racism and prejudice and how to deal with it. We know that kids need to be around people who look like them and not always feel like the odd man out. We know that kids need to feel loved and cherished for who they are and proud of their roots. We know that love cannot be colorblind. We know that once we adopt transracially we are not “a white family with a Chinese daughter” or “a white family with a black baby boy” but we are a transracial family.

I encourage you to read the above article and learn from it.