In my last post I started sharing some of the "truths" I have come to learn regarding race and transracial adoption. Here is the rest of my list. Please feel free to add to it by leaving a comment.

- Our kids are going to grow up. This may seem like a "duh" thing to say, but it's true. It is easy to parent a little black baby. He's cute, and people in the world see him with you and for the most part, people smile (and say dumb things), and think that he is cute. As parents, we are able to protect young children from much of the ugliness that is out there in the world.

However that cute little black baby boy, or that cute little Asian girl is going to grow up and be an adult. They are going to go from the safety or our homes to being kids in classrooms, teenagers at the mall and adults in society. My baby Marcus is going to be a black man in the United States. Maggie and Amanda are going to be Asian women in the United States. As transracial adoptive parents, we need to remember that our kids are going to grow up and it is our job to prepare them for that.

- Transracial adoptive parents need to actively be anti-racist. Not being racist ourselves is not enough. We have to take a stand for our children and for others to not tolerate any racism. We have to let people around us know that racist jokes, racist comments, racist behavior and prejudice of any kind are not o.k. and will not be tolerated.

-Love is not enough. Love is super important. Love is a lot. Love is in my opinion, the most important thing. But, it is not enough to give a child love alone. While I do believe that a transracially adopted child raised in a family who completely ignores race and racial issues but surrounds that child with love and support is better off all the way around than a child who grows up with members of his own race and culture but never knows love and security, I also know that adoptive parents have to do better than that.

We have heard from adult transracial adoptees, who were raised under the mindset that color doesn't matter, race isn't important and love is enough, that they faced many emotional challenges. Children need love and security. They need to belong to a family. But they also need to learn about their roots. They need to know that their family cares about their culture. They need to have knowledge of and pride in who they are and where they are from. They need to have same-race roll models. They need to know about racism.

These truths are a starting point of sorts for transracial adoptive parents. There are many ways adoptive parents can incorporate these into our lives and our parenting. I will share some of my strategies in my next post.