As I wrap up writing about adoptive parents and the range of emotions they often feel while going through the adoption process, I thought I would share some of our highs and lows.

For me, some of the most joyful moments of my entire life were when we were united with our adopted children. They were moments that were happy and amazing and blessed beyond measure. Tiny Maggie being handed to me by a nanny in a Vietnamese orphanage, a sweaty, overwhelmed yet cheerful Amanda arriving at our local airport and coming to me willingly from the arms of her escort, being in the room and witnessing Marcus' birth, watching Mercy and Des happily climb into our big old van and wave good-bye to the social workers with huge smiles on their faces, seeing Ben's ear to ear smile in person for the first time outside the front of his Ethiopian orphanage, and having Belane run out the front door of AHOPE and jump into my arms, are all moments that are permanently engraved on my heart, right next to the births of Nate, Ry and Shane. I look forward to adding the day that Solomon is in my arms to my list of favorite and most-cherished moments.

I can also say that some of my saddest moments came during adoptions as well. When we got the phone call that the little girl in India who we had come to love as our own, was never going to be in our arms, it was so terribly sad.

When I got the phone call that our tiny baby Maggie had been taken from the orphanage and placed into a hospital in Ho Chi Minh City, it was a panic I had never felt before. To have a sick child that I could not care for was horrible. When (during that same adoption) adoptions from Cambodia were stopped and there were rumors that adoptions from Vietnam were also going to come to a halt, it was another case of extreme panic. The thought that our baby girl might not get home was beyond stressful and worrisome.

Holding newborn Marcus on the night he was born, and then having to leave the hospital without him and go back to the hotel to wait for a call in the morning to let us know when the relinquishments had been signed as planned (or not) was very hard. I loved that little baby as my very own. I had spent the day bonding with him and allowing myself to completely fall in love with him and be his mom. The realization that I was not yet his mom, and that things could still fall through, was a terrible fear to feel.

I remember reading a book on toddler adoption the night before our Amanda arrived from Korea, and being completely anxious and afraid about what we were about to get in to and how she would adjust into our family.

The day we walked into the room to meet Mercy and Des, who at nine and six were old enough to know what was going on, was extremely scary and emotional in a hundred different ways.

Having our travel date to go and pick up Ben in Ethiopia be pushed back by almost a month (two weeks before we thought we were leaving) was frustration like I can't even put into words.

And being stuck in Ethiopia with Belane, waiting on paperwork and bureaucracy so we could get her visa and come home, was one of the most stressful times I have had.

But you know what? All of the fears, stresses, grief, sadness, anxieties and other emotional challenges have been far over-shadowed by the joys and blessings of being united with my children, and getting to be their mom. The journeys were sometimes difficult, but always worth what was waiting at the end.

The good, for us, has far outweighed the challenging. I guess that's why we continue to be willing to do it all over again. :)

Stay tuned. In my next post I will discuss all of those emotions that are common when you child first comes home.




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