(continued from previous post)

There are social complications…who to tell, who not to tell…protecting privacy vs. combating stigmas…educating those around you vs. opening yourself up to prejudice. There are many laws in place to protect kids with HIV…for instance, you do not have to tell your child’s school if you choose not to. Your public health office will tell the school district that there is an HIV+ in the school, and they will be instructed/reminded to take universal precautions, which they should do anyway.

This being said, we’ve been told by quite a few parents that they have been pleasantly surprised with the reactions of most people that they have disclosed to. One dear friend said that they have never lost a doctor, dentist or friend after sharing their child’s HIV status. There will always be ignorant people and that is unfortunate, and it is another issue that these children will have to deal with in their lives, but I do think that society is becoming more and more accepting as HIV is more understood and not so irrationally feared.

As far as life expectancy, there are no guarantees, however none of my other kids came with one either. The doctors and specialists we have spoken with have all said that we should expect our daughter to live a long and full life. We’ve been told that just with the medications available today, she should live well into adult hood, and the medications and treatments are improving all the time. What we have now is tons better than what was available ten years ago, and who knows what we’ll have ten years from now.

Much is still unknown, as the first groups of children growing up and living into adulthood with HIV are still teens and young adults, but the outlook is very, very positive.

HIV is not considered a terminal illness in the US. It is considered a chronic, yet manageable disease. There is every reason to be optimistic…many people with HIV are growing old and even having (healthy) children of their own.

I do know that even with all of the optimistic outlooks for Belane’s future, that you just never know. I had a friend (who has adopted many special needs children), say that yes, it is extremely sad for a mother to bury her child, but that it is even sadder for a child to be buried without a mother. So we hope and pray and plan on Belane living for a very long time, but even if it doesn’t end up to happen that way (or if any of our other children were to die young) I would never regret having been her Mom.

Someone considering adopting an HIV+ child from Ethiopia asked me if I thought it was “fair” to bring these kids to the US, where they will likely face some degree of racial prejudice and possibly additional prejudice because of their HIV status.

My biggest "conclusion" in all this, is that Belane, the other kids at AHOPE, etc. are HIV+. That is their reality, and as much as I wish it wasn't the case, it is. It is also reality that they are going to grow up in a world in which there is still prejudice against black people and still prejudice against people with HIV. It sucks! I can't change those realities, but what I can do is love her, teach her to be proud of who she is and where she is from, and make sure she has the best life possible. I would never for one minute feel that growing up in an orphanage under any circumstances would be better than life with a loving family. Even the best orphanage situations don't come close to a family.

To add to that, in the US, views are slowly changing about HIV. Many people realize that it is not spread easily. Most people realize that it is chronic but manageable, and not something that you can "catch" from interacting, sharing food, swimming in the same pool, playing together, changing diapers, etc. etc. etc. And most people who don't know this stuff, are very willing to learn. We had a lot of people who we told about Belane that did not know much, but were very willing to learn, and now are teaching others around them and "spreading the word" so to speak. Of course there will always be ignorant people who choose to live in fear, but from the HIV+ people we have spoken with, they are not doomed to living a secluded, ostracized life.

In Ethiopia, things are much different. Just a few years ago, AHOPE was known as "The house of the dead". The AHOPE students were not allowed in the public schools. They just recently have been allowed in school, but they still face hardships there. They are not allowed to go to the public pools when other people are there...and on and on. People in Ethiopia, Africa and third world places as a whole are afraid of HIV/AIDS. They do not have the education, and the cultures tend to have a lot of superstition in them. They don't understand how HIV is and is not spread, so they just shun and avoid anyone who has it, or may have it.

AHOPE is working on programs to educate the public, etc., but the reality is that HIV and people with HIV are still very misunderstood and very feared in Ethiopia.

I can't imagine what life would be like for a child who grows up as an orphan, and then has to live in Africa as an HIV+ adult with no family.

So while I certainly know there will be times when Belane’s illness will be a complication in her life and she very well may face some prejudice because of that, her best chance for a long, full, physically healthy and emotionally healthy life is in the US with a loving family, not in Ethiopia, growing up as an orphan.

It took me awhile to get to this conclusion, but the bottom line is that I can't change the fact that Belane is HIV+ or the attitudes of the world we live in, and I can't erase all of the struggles she will face because she was born a little black girl with HIV, but I can love the stuffing out of her and give her every benefit in life and do the best I can to raise her to be a strong, happy and self-confident woman.

That’s my plan.



*Please remember that I am not a doctor, nurse or expert, and these are just my thoughts on what I have learned about parenting a child with HIV.