After writing about how wonderful it has been for me to watch my kids welcome each new addition into our family, I thought that I would write about how to prepare your children at home for a new child that is joining the family through transracial adoption.

Adding another child to your family is obviously a very big deal, and is one that will have a huge impact on the child or children already in your home. The early days home with a new child can be stressful and difficult, and preparing your children at home for what to expect can help make things go more smoothly for everyone.

Here are some tips for preparing a sibling for a transracial adoption.

-Ask your children if they have any questions. Kids are amazingly good at picking up on things…during the adoption process they overhear conversations about paperwork, travel, referral and all sorts of other things. Kids also tend to jump to conclusions and make false assumptions, so periodically sit down and talk to your children about the process and what they are thinking and how they are feeling. Make sure they understand the process as much as possible and see if they have any fears or worries.

Remember that kids also pick up on the emotions of their parents, and if you are stressed, anxious, excited, etc. you children are most likely noticing. Don’t assume that they won’t notice. Talk to them about your feelings and let them know why you feel the way you do.

When we were adopting Belane, we hit a couple of paperwork roadblocks, and each time I would get very stressed and grouchy. One time one of my kids thought that something really bad had happened…like Belane had died or we weren’t able to adopt her. Communication is really important.

-Early on, explain the approximate timeline to your kids. We, as adoptive parents, know that the wait is long and that is stinks. For kids, it can be even more difficult because they don’t really understand WHY it takes so long. Oftentimes parents will excitedly tell their children that they are going to have a new brother or sister, and the kids think that is going to happen in the immediate future. Let them know right off approximately when they can expect their new sibling, and explain the steps in the process to help them understand.

-Talk to your children at home about race (in age appropriate terms). Let them know that since your family is going to look “different” than many other families, that you will be getting more attention when you are out in public. Let them know that some people may question whether or not your children are really siblings, and help your child come up with appropriate ways to answer such questions/comments.

-Prepare your children for how their new sibling may act in the very beginning. If you are adopting a baby, let your children at home know that the baby will likely be very tired and overwhelmed in the beginning, and may cry a lot. Let them know that the baby may not sleep well, and may need to eat very often. Depending on the age of the baby, prepare your children for how much the baby will or will not be able to interact and play with them. Prepare them for the fact that you are going to have to hold the baby a lot and give the baby a lot of attention, and always reinforce your love for all of your children. Talk about ways that your children can help out with the new baby.

-Take advantage of the time BEFORE your new child comes home and spend special, quality time with your children. Once your new child is home, remember to continue to find special one-on-one time with all of your kids. I have found that even on the busiest of days, taking five minutes and reading a book, or doing a puzzle or playing a game one-on-one with one of my kids makes a huge difference.

-Plan fun things to do together as a family, too. Family activites build bonds and memories, and help "gel" a family together.

-Remember that any big changes to a family lead to a period of adjustment for everyone. Giving it time and a lot of love usually has awesome results.

Since adopting an older child involves many other things to consider, I will address that in my next post.

More reading…
Adopt a Sibling Blog

The “Siblings” Category on the Hoping to Adopt Blog