There is an old saying among adoptive parents that you should "prepare for the worst and hope for the best", when it comes to your child's adjustment into your family, and how your child will bond and attach to you (and how you in turn, will bond and attach to your child).

While I don't know that it is possible to truly "prepare for the worst", I do think it is very wise to prepare for things to be rough. I have heard a lot of adoptive parents say that they decided not to read a certain book or a certain website because "it was too scary". It is true that hearing about how difficult early days with a new child sometimes are can be very scary, however, I think it is even scarier to think about an adoptive parent who is not prepared for all that their child will be going through and some of the behaviors their child might have as a result.

It is certainly true that not every parent who adopts a baby will be up all night, every night for months and only getting tiny amounts of uninterrupted sleep. It is a scary and daunting thought to be in that position, and not one that someone about to bring home a new baby really wants to consider! However, a certain percentage of parents who adopt infants find themselves in that very position, and so it is wise for adoptive parents to be prepared for that possibility and have a survival plan of sorts.

It is certainly true that not every parent who adopts a toddler will have to endure screaming fits that last hours on end. I can't imagine any parent would look forward to being in that position. However, many parents who adopt toddlers to find themselves dealing with powerful tantrums that last significant periods of time (and recur frequently), so parents adopting toddlers should try to emotionally prepare themselves for this possibility.

These are just two examples of hundreds that I can give, and again, not all children in any given age group will behave in similar ways. Some babies settle in quickly and some babies take a long time to relax and settle in to their new family. Some toddlers are easy going and join in to their new families pretty willingly, and some toddlers fight every change in their new lives tooth and nail. Some older children are open with their feelings and some children keep them bottled up. Some kids try to be on best behavior and some kids test their new parents up and down before allowing themselves to start to bond.

What is important for adoptive parents is to know what sorts of behaviors are common in newly adopted children and why. It is helpful to understand why some children act the way that they do, and what things you can do to try and reassure your child and help their adjustment be as smooth as possible.

My advice is to read the books, even the ones that might be a bit "scary". Talk to lots of adoptive parents. Listen to their stories, and listen to the difficult ones as much as you listen to the stories of easy adjustments. Know what to expect. Know what challenges are possible, and have some "tricks up your sleeve" to make things easier on you and your child. Don't convince yourself that your child will be one of the easy ones, because the truth is, you just don't know.

By being prepared, you will be the best possible parent for your new child.

Resources:

My posts on having a "new addition"

Adoption Education Course for Adoptive Parents

Book Recommendations


*If you have not yet participated, make sure you visit this post and enter the fun giveaway for National Adoption Month thanks to Curls.