Continued...

Dawn asked, “Erin, Have you experienced any one being uncomfortable around Belane because of her HIV status. I am asking because our daughter who will come home from China is a hep B carrier and I am trying to plan on how to deal with others attitudes. I do plan on not telling too many others but I am trying to learn how to handle these issues. Will you have her in the church nursery? It has been suggested that we not take our daughter there. Give me advice?"

Thus far, no, we have not had anyone that I have noticed who was uncomfortable around Belane because of her HIV status, but that being said, the only people that have been around her that knew about her HIV are our family, my best friend’s family, Josh’s family and the two ladies making the documentary on HIV adoption. So I don’t think we’ve really “tested” those waters yet.

Honestly, disclosing a child’s HIV status (or Hep B status) or not, and who to tell and when and how to handle the social stigmas, is in a lot of ways, more difficult than dealing with the medical aspects of HIV. There is no right or wrong on how to handle it… I know families who are open and honest with everyone about their child’s health status and feel that is the right way to handle things, and I know people who keep it VERY private, and that is the right way to handle things for them. It is a very personal decision.

I wrote lots about my feelings and our decision for now on how to handle disclosure in this post.

I have said it before, but if we found out that one of our kids had diabetes or cancer or something like that, I know our church and community would rally around us and support us, but if Belane becomes sick because of her HIV, I have strong doubts that the reaction would be the same.

We have not made her HIV status public knowledge here where we live. Several people have asked me if she is healthy, and I have always said she is doing great, which she is. Once she is on her meds (and not as susceptible to new germs) and her HIV level is very low in her blood (making it very difficult to spread the HIV, even without precautions) I would have no problem sending her to the church nursery or preschool or whatever (although she has some serious separation anxiety that might make that an issue!!!!!!)

The schools are supposed to use universal precautions with any “bleed”, and knowing that she will be very little threat at all to anyone, I don’t think we will risk having her treated differently by telling the schools. Our public health office will alert the school district that there is an HIV+ child in the district, but they will not tell them which child it is.

Dawn, I do not know much about Hep. B and how it is spread. I guess if it was spread easily, I would be more open and upfront about it. Good luck with dealing with this with your daughter, and you can always email me at transracialadoptblogs@adoptionmail.com if you want to talk privately.