Back by popular demand are some questions and answers. Feel free to ask questions related to transracial adoption that you’d like to see addressed on this blog any time in a comment or you can email me at transracialadoptblog@adoptionmail.com

I made a “question and answer” category (categories are over there on the right hand side) and added the past posts that were question and answer style and will continue to add new ones there (I think they are fun).

Question number one was a serious one on the topic of HIV and Belane’s adoption….Mwalatka asked,

“Did you tell your kids that belane is hiv+? my husband and I are open to one day adopting an hiv+ child and are always discussing it and this question came up. curious what you guys have said to the older kids?”

While this question is specific to Belane and her health situation, I think a lot of families could have similar issues in which they have to decide how much information to share with the other children in the home.

This was something we went back and forth on a little…We wanted to be open and honest with our kids and not have secrets, and yet at the same time, we didn’t necessarily want them to be dropping the word HIV at school when talking about their little sister.

Before Belane came home, we told them that she was born with a disease in her blood, and that if she didn’t get medicine, that she would not be able to live very long. We talked about how a lot of people in Africa are dieing because of this, and that she was in a special orphanage for kids with HIV.

We told them that here in the U.S., she would be able to get the medications and that she would be healthy and would live a very long time and would look and act just like anybody else. We made sure that they knew that they could not catch it from her and that it was not something contagious like a cold or the flu, but also made sure that they understood that they should never touch her blood (or any one else’s for that matter). We taught them all that if Belane got hurt and was bleeding that they should just get Mom or Dad right away, and that has already worked well once or twice.

As far as privacy goes, we explained that this was not a big secret and we told them lots of people who know about it, but also said that it was something personal for Belane, and not something that she will want the whole world to know, and so it was not something that they should go to school and tell everyone about. I told them that if it was them, they would not want people to feel bad for them or treat them differently because of a disease, and that Belane won’t either, and so we should protect her privacy.

The kids were more concerned before Belane came home, but now that she is here and looks so dang happy and healthy, they don’t seem to give it much thought.

We used the term HIV when we were explaining it, but haven’t used it much since. I am sure that their understanding of things will change as they get older. We did tell them that it was something that would never go away for Belane, but the kids still pray that she will get better and won’t need her medicine anymore. I think praying for a cure is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, like so many other things surrounding Belane and HIV, we have tried to find a middle ground that was both honest, but also protects her privacy. I am sure that they will have questions as time goes on, and we will answer them honestly.

We used this same "strategy" in regards to birth family histories and other difficult topics...

I think that this would be relevant to a lot of different special needs and situations…I believe in being open and honest with my kids and giving them info as they are able to handle and understand it, and always being open and ready and willing to answer their questions as they come up.