But growing older, i realized how potent the word “real” really was! And it became increasingly evident that while pretty much anyone could make a baby, it took a lot of courage and love to be a good Mom. My half sister fell victim to the system, and was placed in a home near her drunkard biological father rather than be allowed to be adopted like i was. Things didn’t end well.

So from my own experiences, it seems to me that society really needs to readjust their understanding of parenting altogether! Especially since the idea of “family” itself has changed so much. It’s amazing how powerful words are.

I still hear it now as an adult when talking about all my family. Except now when asked “who is your real mom?”, I answer “Which one?” and grin, or “I don’t have any fake moms, all of my mothers are real”

I too learned that “real” was a trigger to my parents, and I used it as a weapon in my temporary angry teenager days while saying ‘I bet my real mom would let me blah blah blah, or I bet my real mom would understand, or I bet my real mom would like this guy, or…….’
I’d never say such things as an educated adult.

My daughter, by birth, was a typical angry teen too for a while, and let me know how much she hated me and her Dad and wished she had been adopted like me. huge trigger for me…
It was hard to hear, even tho I knew better, it made me doubt myself as a good mother. I can only imagine how difficult it is to hear as an adopted mom, especially with younger children.
I’ve apologized many times to my parents for being such a mean girl back then!

Hang in there moms, you know better, and so do your kids.
Think of it this way, they feel secure enough and safe enough in your relationship to test you in that ‘real’ way.