A few days ago I started to write about deciding what age child to adopt, and then I wrote a post sharing some of the benefits of adopting a toddler. To continue on with the theme of advocating for children who are not young, healthy infants, today I am going to write about some of the benefits of adopting older children.

While many adoptive parents do not consider adopting older children and many can think only of the challenges involved with adopting older children, I can tell you from personal experience that adopting older children comes with many rewards and benefits as well.

I have written about the challenges involved with adopting older children and you can follow the links at the end of this post for more information. In this post I am just going to share some of the benefits and some of the reasons you may want to consider adopting an older child.

Looking at practical reasons, older children (usually) sleep through the night, which is great for parents who don't have it in them to be waking up all night long with a baby or young toddler. I know several single parents and working parents who chose to adopt older children at least partly because they would be in school during the day, which worked well with the parents' work schedules (unlike a baby, who would need to go into daycare or have a baby sitter).

While with older children it takes time for parents and children to get to know each other, there are many, many things that can be done to facilitate bonding and attachment. With the older children that we adopted we had lots of fun playing board games, going for walks, playing at the park, baking cookies and doing all sorts of fun things together.

I really liked the fact that when we were doing things to promote bonding with our new older children, that they were activities for the whole family that we all could do and enjoy together. On the flip side, when I was rocking and feeding new babies, I was separated from the rest of the kids. Of course older kids need quiet and one on one time as well, but there are many family activities that you all can enjoy, and one of the benefits of older kids is that they can jump right in to your family's schedule and activities and can interact and play with siblings right away.

Communication is another plus of older child adoption (especially if it is a domestic adoption). Obviously there is often a language barrier for some time with children adopted internationally, however there is still a lot that can be communicated. I remember when our two older girls came home, and it was our first older child adoption (after adopting two infants and a toddler). The girls were very sad one night, and I laid on the floor in their room and talked with them for a long time about things. They shared feelings of anger, sadness, fear and even joy. While that one conversation certainly did not make everything "better" right away, it helped a lot, and those bedtime conversations became a nightly routine that helped our bonding and attachment by leaps and bounds. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to be able to communicate with them, to let them address their fears and concerns and to hear them share their emotions, and then for me to be able to respond to all of it.

Even with our Benjamin, who came home at six years old from Ethiopia and did not speak English, we were able to communicate a great deal and it really helped our attachment process. Ben truly understood what was happening when he was being adopted and even wanted to be adopted, (unlike our babies and toddlers who were just scared and confused).


Another plus of older child adoption is that adoptive parents are often able to get an idea of what the child's personality is like and can find a child whose personality will blend well with the family. With some programs, adoptive parents are even able to meet and interact with children available for adoption before starting the adoption process.

For us, the idea of adopting a nine year old and a six year old was pretty scary, especially since we were displacing our oldest son. But after we were able to have the girls come to our home for a visit and we were able to get to know them and see them interact with our other children, we knew that they were a perfect fit for our family. And while there are never any guarantees in adoption, another benefit to older child adoption is that there are often less health "unknowns" compared to adopting young infants.

If you are an impatient person, a plus to adopting older children is that there are millions of them waiting to be adopted right this minute, both through domestic adoption and through international adoption. I cannot think of an adoption program in which you would have to wait any real length of time to be matched with an older child. They are waiting.

Older children come to their new parents with likes, dislikes, beliefs, fears and all sorts of life experiences, both good and bad. They have formed personalities. There are definitely challenges with adopting older children, but I can truly say that watching our Mercy, Des and Ben blossom in our home and family has been amazing and wonderful, and that the rewards of parenting them have always far outweighed the challenges.

Adoption ABC's - Older Child Adoption

Experiences with Older Child Adoption


Older Child Adoption page at Adoption.com

Older Child Adoption Blog


*If you have not yet participated, make sure you visit this post and enter the fun giveaway for National Adoption Month thanks to Curls.

* Photo from Erin Henderson