In “adoption land” there are quite a few “hot button topics” that people tend to feel very strongly about one way or another, and if you belong to any email groups or message boards, you know how heated conversations can get on topics such as circumcision, naming adopted children, etc.

One of these topics that I would like to tackle is how you choose to share your child’s story. There are those who are very guarded about their child’s background and history, refusing to share information with anyone, even close family, as to why their child was available for adoption, etc. until the child is old enough to choose whether to share that information or not.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are the adoptive parents who share every little detail of their child’s background with friends and family, neighbors, people at the grocery store, the world wide web, etc.

People who keep things private, want to protect their child’s privacy, and put that desire above all others.

People who openly share, often worry about offending friends and family if they didn’t share information and want to be open about their child’s history and not make it seem like a big secret.

Some feel a child’s story is there own, and no one has the right to share that story except for that child.

Others feel that keeping that much secrecy will send the wrong message to their child and to others.

Personally, I have read cryptic email messages from an unidentified adoptive parent, announcing the referral of an unidentified child and an accompanying statement along the lines of “we’re not telling you or anyone else anything else,” and thought it was a little over the top in the privacy department.

At the same time, I have read email messages sharing exceedingly personal details about a child’s first family or background, and wondered if the parent hadn’t gone way too far sharing so much.

So which school of thought is right? It depends. As with so many other topics, there is just no one right answer.

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