Those were very interesting articles, Erin. Thank you for pointing them out to us.
Re#4: I find it interesting and disappointing that Amy does not seem to consider herself an American first. In fact, she mentions Asian, Korean and Korean-American. She is an American citizen and was raised here. Too bad she doesn't feel like an American.

Our daughter (2nd child/first adopted/Colombia) was born in 1980. She's just a few months younger than Amy. I am hard pressed to think of any friends who had no bio children when they adopted at that time. I can think of one older single woman who adopted 2 girls, 2 years apart, 8 years old at the time of arrival. Period. Everyone else we knew (and we knew plenty) had bio kids first. So, clearly, our experience was 180 degrees from hers.

Another difference was that the only discrimination that our daughter experienced came from within the Hispanic community, first, at the high school, from the teacher/sponsor of the Hispanic group. Secondly, from the father of a boy she was dating. Why? She wasn’t Hispanic enough for either man. She looked the part but had an Anglo last name and didn’t speak Spanish. Both were rude to her. But, some people are rude. Period. That’s just a fact. She considered the sources and got on with life.

The kicker was that the father of a boyfriend (1st generation from Mexico) holds his PhD in psychology and teaches the course in ‘diversity’ at the local college. Apparently, diversity means to him that everyone fit HIS model. My husband and I loved the young man very much. But, it sure is a good thing our daughter didn’t marry him; her fil would have made her life miserable.
(She married into a family of Irish/Croatian descent...they love her dearly.)

I find it sad that Amy asked Reagan to stop introducing her as her sister. Of course people wondered about such a statement! A simple ‘sisters by adoption’ would suffice. More than once, our daughters were questioned about how they could be sisters.
One tall and blonde, one short and dark. It was easy to explain. For goodness sake, if I didn't know them and saw them together, I’d wonder, too. Sisters from the same genetic pool usually at least have similar skin color.
I’m nearly 6’ tall and my daughter is nearly 5’ tall. My skin is light and hers is dark.
Naturally people don’t automatically conclude that she’s my daughter, I’m her mother. So what? She is! I am! A simple explanation satisfies everyone.

My grandson (13 months/Ethiopia) is boy number 3 (after 2 bio) in that family. His younger brother (bio) is due in May. Does he stand out? You bet he does! Do they get questions? Of course. The most common is, “do you run a day care?”. That's a reasonable question. (The answer is no, it’s a zoo!!) The 5 year old (oldest son) said it well last month when he explained to an adult he’d just met: "Ian is my brother and Max is my brother. Max is from Ethiopia, but we’ve been brothers for some time now.”

I’m glad that Amy sees her parents as ‘parents in every way that counts’. Good for her and good for them! I do have one question: why on earth would parents tell their child that the grandparents, now deceased, never sent her any gifts? Of what benefit is that to the child? Absolutely none. And, it really hurt Amy to know that. IMO that was a serious mistake on the part of the parents. Rather than pointing out the limitations of the grandparents, it hurt the Amy. What were they thinking?!
Kathleen

Kathleen,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I really appreacite them.

I agree that it was sad Amy asked her sister to stop introducing her as such... I realize she did it to try and make things "easier", but like you said, it could be very easily explained.

I think you and I have pretty similar attitudes about things... I agree, it is easy to tell that most of my kids are not biologically mine, but I am their mom...simple as that. :)

I also think it was sad and a poor decision for her parents to tell her about the grandparents lack of acceptance... we have had people be less than supportive of some of our adoptions and I would never share that with our kids.

Congrats on the new baby due in May... and it sounds like your five year old grandson is a smart cookie! :) good for him.



hugs,
E