I have already written about tips for handling the holidays with a newly adopted child, so today I thought I would write a little about handling the holidays while you are still waiting for your child to come home.

We have been in this situation three times, and while it is not one I enjoyed, there are ways to make it a little easier.

For one, you probably should just accept the fact that you are going to be a bit more emotional than usual (if you listen closely you can hear the sound of my husband laughing…). The holidays are an emotional time anyway, and combine that with the high emotions involved in an adoption, and it can be quite the combo!

Some parents are able to handle the holidays without their new children with relative ease, while others find it very difficult. I think how you will feel depends a lot on your situation. For example, if you just accepted a referral in November and knew in the beginning that your child wouldn’t be home until spring (for example) then you are probably at least prepared for this situation.

However, if your adoption has hit delays, and you thought your child would be home by now, or if your child is sick, or if you child is living in poor conditions while you wait to be united, then it will probably more difficult. A lot of people set themselves up somewhat by saying “I just want him home for Christmas”, and then it is difficult when it doesn’t happen. No matter your situation, the holidays usually make a difficult wait even more difficult.

I also have heard from a lot of people that waiting for a referral over the holidays can be very discouraging. Lots of people end up waiting longer than they had thought for a referral, and when they still don’t have one over the holiday it can be disappointing.

The holidays are a time for family, children, togetherness and “home”, so it is not hard to see why it would be difficult to have your child on the other side of the planet.

One of the biggest questions regarding this situation that I have heard is if you should buy presents for your child, hang a stocking, etc. As with most things, every family has to do what is right for them, but we have always done this to some extent.

Let me say that having a huge pile of presents waiting for a new child is not a good idea…newly adopted children get very overwhelmed very easily, and most adoption professionals agree that “less is more” when giving things to your new child. So if you do decide to buy them gifts, I would recommend making it one or two special things, or putting the gifts away and giving them one at a time once your child is home.

If you have other kids at home, they will probably really want to hang a stocking, have presents, etc. for their “missing” sibling. My kids always have, and by having that stocking there, it did make them feel like a part of our celebration.

Continued...