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How do you know when it is right to adopt a child? I hear from a lot of people who are considering adopting a child, or who are considering adopting another child. When I talk about adoption or am asked about adoption out in the general public, lots of people comment that they have always “thought about” adopting.
Obviously there are many people out there who never go any further than thinking about adoption, and of course there are also many parents out there who do make the decision to move forward and adopt a child.
If you are in the “thinking about things” stage, how do you know when it is right to move forward and start an adoption?
There are quite a few things to consider before starting a transracial adoption, whether it is your first or you are an old pro.
The most important thing to ask yourself is, “Do you have a true desire to love, raise and parent a child (or another child) through the good and the bad and everything in between?” While feeling compassion for orphaned children and wanting to help them is a wonderful thing, it is not a good enough primary reason to want to adopt. First and foremost should be a real desire for a child.
Finances are another big consideration. Can you afford to pay for another adoption or find way to do so? Can you afford to raise another child?
The third most important area to consider is if you are truly prepared and educated (or are willing to become so) to become a transracial family, and to parent a child that is of a different race.
There are plenty of other questions prospective adoptive parents should ask themselves. You can find my detailed list here.
I often wonder what the different is between the people who think about adopting and those who actually take the leap and do it. I know for us, that once we started talking about it I was pretty unwilling to let it go or even put it off because I felt the strongest sense of urgency that I had a daughter that I had to “find” and bring home. Each time we have taken the leap to adopt (and in a lot of ways it is no less scary the eighth time than it is the first time), we have done so with a strong personal conviction that the child we were adopting was meant to be in our family, and an overwhelming desire to love that child and bring him or her home to us.
Sometimes the journey to our child has been pretty smooth and sometimes the road has been rough and bumpy, but each time it has been worth it.
If you are still in the “thinking about adoption” phase, what is holding you back from starting the process?
If you are in the process of adopting or already have your child home, what factors helped you make the leap to start the process?
*Picture from Liquid Library
You know I think everyone goes through this process, whether adopting or just having a child. My husband and I are considering having kids, but don’t know when is a good time. Should we wait until we have more money? Should we do it now?
My friends are going through the same process with adopting. They filled out the forms at MyAdoptionForms.com. But, that’s all they’ve done. They don’t know if they should go forward with the process or wait. It’s definitely an issue.
I love your blog. I am pursuing the adoption route at the moment but have to say I am a little scared. My husband and I are seriously considering adopting from Ethiopia but I have to say I am very nervous about the whole TB/Latent TB issue.
We have two biological children who are both asthmatic, one has pretty severe asthma. I just feel so scared about taking the risk of bring a sick child into the environment. However, I just can’t stop thinking about adopting one of these wonderful children and providing them with an amazing life!
Does anybody have any advice?
I am an adoptive mom of three boys. All three have special needs. One is African American. I am Caucasian. I think that for me it (adoption)almost wasn’t a choice. I just knew in the very core of my being that I needed to do this – I had planned to adopt back when I was a young teen. I never considered transracial adoption prior to my son being offered to me by his worker. I think that God or fate or whatever you believe in was at work. I love my boys dearly and as much as I have given them – they have given me infinitely more. I truly believe that I would not be the same person I am today without them. I no longer adopt – I am a single mom and I have maxed out my emotional resources but I now work as a recruiter for foster care and adoption. It is incredibly satisfying (and incredibly frustrating!!) but I wouldn’t trade it for the world! My boys think it is great that “our family” now helps other kids find homes. they ctually fight about accompanying me to events.
One thing I would say, though, is anyone thinking about transracial adoption needs to do a lot of research. Our kids lose so much when they lose their bio families – losing their cultures is often a preventable loss if one does the work of keeping kids connected to culture. My organization – Foster Adoptive Mission – is beginning to do events to keep kids in foster care and adoption connected to their cultures. This year we are doing a cultural festival and inviting the kids to participate, getting musical groups from different cultures to perform and asking restaurants to donate foods representative of different cultures. It should be awesome!!! Anyone who lives in the CT area is invited to come! Check it out – http://www.fosteradoptivemission.org
Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I am a Black woman who seeking a PhD in I/O Psychology, own a consulting firm and I work with a company full-time. I am married and have two sons, 13 and 9. My husband and I have been in talks about adopting a child, a baby girl. My dilemma on adopting is that I would like to adopt a child that is Caucasian. I am not sure how things will work being that I am a Black woman seeking to adopt a child that is not of my race or culture but I do know that I will be able to give the baby girl a home and the love of a mother.
What are your thoughts on how I should continue?
mrscarter618
How do your sons and husband feel about adopting a caucasian child? If you feel like you will be able to give this child all your love and a home and this is what is in your heart then I would say continue on your adoption journey.