Continued from previous posts...

As far as doctor appointments go, while we don’t want to traumatize her right away with lots of poking and prodding, getting her evaluated and getting her treatments started, both for her HIV and for her hearing loss, are definitely a big priority. We have made an appointment with her awesome Pediatric Infectious Disease specialist (who is also an international adoption doctor) for the middle of November, and we will have her seen by our family doctor and the audiologist/ENT soon after coming home as well.

Two more tips for the “babymoon” that I have learned are one, be flexible and two, ask for help when needed.

Being flexible is essential because you just don’t know how your new child is going to react to all the changes in their life. Belane could be very sad and clingy, she could be mad and having lots of tantrums, she could be pretty happy and want to be around everybody…she could want to be busy, or want to hide in my lap…she could want to sleep with us or want her own bed…she could sleep well, or not sleep at all...she could love American food or she could refuse it…you just don’t know! So while we have a “plan” so to speak, we also will be flexible and take our lead from her.

Asking for help is not something I do often. We seem to get a lot of the “you made your bed, now lay in it” sort of attitude when we ask for help…when you ask for help and get that response, it makes it tough to do again. And while it is a given that a woman who has a baby is offered lots of support from family, friends, neighbors, etc., I have heard (and experienced) that adopting moms don’t always/often get that same level of support and help, even though a newly adopted toddler is just as exhausting and just as much work as a newborn baby (if not more so).

But I have learned who I can ask for help from and who is willing and able to provide it, and that is important. My aunt will come and watch the kids while we are gone and stay a few days once we are home while we get over jet lag and exhaustion. I have friends who will help carpool kids to activities to I don’t have to do a lot of extra running around. I have neighbors will have offered to bring over some meals for the first few nights so I don’t have to do a lot of cooking. I have friends that will take some of my other kids to play if they (or I) need a break. Josh's mom joins me on many of the long road trips for doctor appointments. Help is good, and everyone needs it, so don't be afraid to ask.

And that is pretty much what we have planned…

It’s funny…Benjamin’s adjustment and bonding, etc. was so easy and went so smoothly that I almost feel like we are “due” to have a tough time with Belane. I guess we’ll know soon enough. No matter how it goes, I am ready… I have had this ache in my heart for eight months now. I knew that very first moment I saw her that I was her mom and she was my baby, and those feelings have only grown as we have committed to her and prepared to bring her home. She is the missing piece to my heart, and the missing piece to our family.

So because of those feelings and our love for her, I know it will all be ok…I know the day will come when all this waiting is just a distant (painful!) memory and we look back and wonder what on earth life was like without her with us.