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In my last post I discussed a new article on transracial adoption from the New York Times. While overall it was as great article, I was irritated by this comment…
At the same time, some blacks view international adoptions by whites as a slight to black children in need of permanent and stable homes. “I can’t help but wonder why Angelina and Brad can’t adopt an African-American baby here with so many in need,” said Ishia Granger, 36, a black friend of Ms. Brockway.
This sort of mindset (from the woman in the quote above) drives me nuts. I wrote a lot about the differences between domestic adoption and international adoption in this blog post. As I pointed out in that post, there are many plusses and minuses to adopting domestically and to adopting internationally. Each family needs to determine which type of adoption fits their needs, desires, situation, etc.
Unfortunately, there are many people who seem to have a “my way or the highway” sort of attitude and make quite the “battle” between domestic and international adoption. Advocates of domestic adoption, as the woman above, feel that it is irresponsible and morally “wrong” for people to adopt orphans from other countries, when there are orphans needing families in our very own country. Why should a Chinese baby get a home when there is an American child waiting?
This is completely true…there are many children needing forever families in the US. And there are many happy families formed thanks to private domestic adoptions and foster care adoptions. And we should be concerned with the orphans in our country. And yet as a parent who has tried to adopt from the US foster care system and one who has completed two private domestic adoptions, I can say from experience that it is tough! This is in no way an official statistic, but for every family I know with a child adopted from the foster care system, I know quite a few more than have tried unsuccessfully to do so.
The advocates of international adoption feel that the children in the U.S. are just as deserving of forever families, but not as “needy”. While living in foster care is less than ideal, these children will not starve to death, or die of treatable diseases. They will have access to education, medical care, food and many can even get a free college education. On the other hand, children in Russia or Asia or Africa or South America who are orphans very well may starve to death, or die of a treatable disease. They may never get an education and have a very grim outlook for their future.
This is also very true…and yet I know firsthand how much some children suffer from neglect and abuse in the U.S. and how miserable life can be in the foster care system, and I could not say that these children are any less “needy” of a loving family.
Personally, I have adopted “both ways”. I have three children we adopted domestically, and will soon have four children via international adoption. Each one desperately needed and deserved a home and a family.
I see this debate between domestic adopters and international adopters a lot like the debates that go on between working moms and stay at home moms. And I have the same overall feelings on the issue… (I am resisting the urge to say, “Why can’t we all just get along?”) 
We all want basically the same thing. Why can’t we just support each other? Why can’t we just be happy for every child that finds a forever family through adoption?
I believe that any child in this world, living without a mom and dad or permanent home equally deserves to be adopted, no matter the color of their skin, their age, the country that they live in, the level of poverty that they are suffering from or any other factor.
It’s been my experience that most people who have a strong opinion about this “debate” haven’t adopted themselves. People who have adopted through foster care generally recognize how difficult it can be and how fraught with uncertainty, and people who’ve adopted internationally typically do so because the process is mostly straightforward, acknowledging the expense involved as well as the issues of adopting a child out of our culture. Neither way is easy. Both ways are helping a child in need (which isn’t, actually, the best motivation for adopting to begin with).
Of course…to adopt a child you should have a true desire to parent that child, not to merely “save” or help a child a need.
That being said, when people discuss where to adopt from, the “need” factor seems to come up a lot. It seems silly to me, because they all are in need.
I’ve actually seen a lot of people involved in this debate that have adopted…and feel strongly that the adoption path that they chose is the only right one.
Luckily there are many open minded people too, who realize that there are plenty of adoption options and no one “right way”.