The Leap

I was asked a question recently, and, as I answered it, I realized that I hadn’t ever thought of it before. But it was a good question, and one worth pondering by all adoptive parents.

Was adopting transracially something that came naturally to you?

Ever since I was 13, the picture in my head of my child – my daughter – was a little redheaded, blue-eyed Russian girl. It’s not like I was going to ask the Russian Consulate for that specifically. That was just what I saw.

When it became clear that Russia was not going to work out because of the travel required, I turned to countries that escorted children. At the time (2004-2005) the ones I knew about were Korea, Haiti, and some African countries, most notably, Ethiopia. As soon as we left Russia, so-to-speak, I knew we would be adopting a non-white child.

Ethiopia appealed to me the most. From a practical standpoint, it had the lowest fees. But more than that, I have always been interested in Africa as a continent. Africa intrigues me. I could see myself going to Africa. I wanted to learn more about Africa. So, Ethiopia.

But, as I’ve said before, my husband asked, “If we’re going to adopt a black child, can’t we do that here?”. And we turned to domestic adoption.

Our agency allowed us to be open to any race, but made us pick our top three. By default, more than anything, we placed Caucasian first. After that, we chose “African-American/Caucasian” for two reasons – my husband’s cousins are “AA/CC”, so we thought our child would fit in with the family that way, and we are “Caucasian” so we’d all have one “heritage” in common. Our third choice was “African-American”, but it wasn’t third by much. We would have easily accepted a “full AA” baby.

(Aside: Our home study initially stated that we wanted to adopt a Caucasian child, but “would accept an African-American/Caucasian or African-American child”. I immediately wrote to the home study agency and demanded a change. This is one reason why you should always get a copy of your home study before it’s sent anywhere.)

Why AA? Part of it was the fact that our family already included black children and adults. Part of it hearkens back to my interest in Africa. I’ve also been interested in black culture, and thought that I would enjoy learning more about it. (And I do!) Part of it did have to do with my other prejudices, however (and that’s another post).

Once we made the decision, it didn’t take long for the picture in my head to change. In fact, I saw a K-Mart ad that featured a white, blue-eyed baby boy and a brown, gray-eyed baby girl. I tacked it up on my bulletin board, as my new mental picture of my yet-to-be daughter. When we matched with an expectant mom who was having the boy who would be Jack, I tried to imagine the little girl in the ad dressed in blue. It didn’t work that well.

So, yes, for us, adopting transracially came naturally. As soon as we realized it was possible, we started thinking in that direction. We almost matched with a “Caucasian” baby, and I was disappointed at the thought of having to leave the online support group I’d already found for adoptive parents of black children.

I realize that not everyone has the same experience. I would really like to know, even from my fellow bloggers, was adopting transracially something that came naturally to you?

Photo Credit: Robyn C. 2008. All rights reserved.

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