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In my last post I discussed the benefits of domestic newborn transracial adoption. Today, I am going to talk about the risks and the more difficult aspects (again, please remember that these are generalizations).
-As much as you may want a baby and love a baby, that baby is not yours in any way until that mother signs the papers and he is put in your arms. In a situation where adoptive parents are being “matched” with a pregnant mother planning adoption, adoptive parents are in the difficult position of having to commit fully to the adoption (financially and emotionally) and to this mother and move forward as if they will be given the baby, but also knowing full well that that mother has the right at any point to choose to parent her child. In domestic newborn adoption, adoptive parents must be prepared for things to fall through at any point. This can be very difficult emotionally.
-In a situation where an agency is searching for a family for a baby that has already been relinquished, there are often at least several parents interested. We had several situations where we were asked if we would be interested in a baby, we said yes, and then another family was chosen. This can also be emotionally challenging.
-While I listed open adoption as a benefit of domestic adoption, it can also be very challenging, especially if the child is coming from a difficult situation.
-Typically, families have to “sell themselves” to some degree. Parents have to prepare some sort of profile that will be shown to pregnant moms considering or planning adoption for their baby. I know that many families dislike or feel uncomfortable with “advertising themselves” and waiting to be chosen.
-There is very little predictability with the process. In an international adoption, while there are often unexpected delays or changes, the process still follows a general process, where steps occur one after another, up until travel. With domestic newborn adoption, there is very little predictability with the timeline. Adoptive parents can have a placement in hours or it can take many months or even longer. There is no real process to go through…you just wait, knowing at any minute the phone can ring with big news. It is exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
-While the average fees for either type of adoption are fairly similar, in international adoption, the fees are usually spread out over a decent amount of time, and in domestic newborn adoption, the fees are typically do all at once without much notice. If your placing fees are $14,000 for a domestic adoption, when that baby is matched with you, all of that money will typically be due at once.
Here are some more resources on domestic infant adoption, and if you know of a risk or “downside” that I have forgotten, please leave a comment.
Online Guide to US Infant Adoption
On expense in domestic, there are a lot of hidden costs we discovered. Travel being one, many times an expectant mom is not local and you travel there to meet them, and again for the birth. Interstate Compact Agreements take time and you may find yourself living in a hotel for many weeks. We stayed for almost 3 weeks for our processing of paperwork between California and Texas. Then booking last minute flights. Also…domestic adoption has the hidden cost of birthmother finances. You maybe asked to provide food, housing, and clothing for a period of time, and then have the expectant mother change her mind. These are not refunded to you.
I agree with your comment on you have to be emotionally able to handle these disappointments, and look at thing in a different view. We had two situations fail before success. One had about $2000 in birthmother expenses. We looked at it as “What a better thing to do in life in making sure a women and her children had a roof over their head, and food in their stomachs.” In the end our final cost still were cheaper than international adoption.
I will tell the joy of being at our children’s birth, coming home from the hospital with them, and having all the joys surrounding parenthood other than physically being pregnant made it all worth the ups and downs for us.