One of the most difficult aspects of our adoptions for me is all of the children left behind. They weigh heavily on my heart and my mind…some days more than others.

It sounds cliché to say that it is life-changing to go to Ethiopia or another country stricken by disease and extreme poverty…but it is.

To stand in an orphanage full of children, and to really look into their eyes, and hold them in your arms, is indescribable. Being at AHOPE was tougher than the other orphanages we visited, because only a very few of the children had ever been adopted, and only a small handful were in process of being adopted. I think about those little boys, slipping their hands into mine and smiling hopefully… I think about those little girls, hugging my leg and asking to be held. I think about the older kids who didn’t bother…

There are days that it is just really hard to think about all of them growing up without a family…without a mom to kiss their boo-boos, or a dad to wrestle with…without hugs and kisses at bedtime or someone to cuddle…without unconditional love and the support and encouragement that only a parent can provide…without somewhere to belong and someone to belong to.

It’s these thoughts that challenge our decision to be “done” with our family. I hear about special needs kids and older kids that need a family and think, “We could do it.” We sponsor a little boy at AHOPE…he is cute and darling and sweet…I look at him and think, “why not?” Why would we draw the line at you? Why aren’t we willing to stretch ourselves for you?

But then I count heads and balance the check book and know that realistically, we are done. I know that if we adopted this sponsor child that another would take his place. And then another, and then another. I know that we can’t “save the world” or adopt them all. And I know that guilt and sadness aren’t the right reasons to adopt a child. I know that all of the kids we have chosen to adopt are here because we felt strongly that they were ours and belonged with us.

So I try my best to advocate and educate for those left behind.

I try to get people to see that a transracial family…while it certainly has its challenges…is better than no family at all.

I try to get people to see that special needs kids are just as perfect as “healthy” kids.

I try to get people to see that older kids need homes too…and can be just as cuddly, wonderful and rewarding and have as many “firsts” as a baby.

I try to advocate for adoption, when done ethically, as a wonderful way to build or expand a family.

I try to draw attention to the children…the very many children, who are waiting for someone to love them.

Some days, it doesn’t feel like enough.