Yesterday my Benjamin Bekalu turned seven years old. I have been doing a lot of thinking about him and his life this week, and I have been thinking a lot about how much he has changed in the past year and a half.

For one, I have been thinking about how strange it is to not really know your child's birth day. As is common in Ethiopia, a place where birthdays are rarely celebrated and important dates and records are rarely recorded, our son does not know when he was born. In fact, his grandmother and sisters did not know when he was born. It seems odd to say, and a lot of people question "how could you not know when your grandchild (or child) was born?" But when I look at the kids I gave birth to I know that if I didn't have their birth dates recorded and memorized, it would be easy to look at them and think, "Hmmmm, how long have we had you around? Five years? Six years? Yeah, about that."

So when Benjamin came home in February of 2006, we used a combination of the "best guess birthday" given to him by the orphanage, some vague information we were able to get from his birth family, the best guess of our doctor here and my own mother's intuition and decided his birthday would be August 23, 2000. All of Ben's doctors, dentists and teachers have all agreed since then, that that age feels just perfect for him, and I agree, so I know we are close. But it is still strange not to know exactly when your child was born.

I think about when he was born, and how his parents may have felt. We were told they were a happy family and he was a very loved and cherished son. I think about the awful sadness and tragedies that the family endured and the unbelievable changes that have occurred in Ben's life. I think about how grateful I am to live in a place with safeguards and safety nets and so many things that we take for granted.

I think about Ben's mom, a beautiful woman I have been blessed to see in one photograph. I think of the unimaginable agony of a mother knowing she was dying, and leaving behind such a young little boy, and how her heart must have broken with sadness and worry. I pray she is watching over us, and knows how loved and happy and wonderful he is.


I have also thought a lot about Ben and how he has changed since joining our family. Some things have remained the same since we first met him. He has been smart since day one, amazingly smart. He is quiet, calm and loving. He has always been affectionate and quick to think about others around him. He is not picky and is easy to please. He is always grateful for what he has and what he is given and loves to please those around him. He is a peacemaker, and almost never argues with anyone. He is passionate about soccer and chocolate. He has an infectious laugh, and much to our delight, still has the world's cutest accent. He is everyone's favorite. His older siblings all adore him and want him included in their games and activites. The younger siblings idolize him and always want him to be the one to help them and play with them. And Shane, his buddy, his partner in crime, his brother in the same grade, can't believe he lived six years without Ben as his brother. He thinks orange is the very best color on the planet. He has a very strong sense of right and wrong. He loves animals. He has a very, very tender heart.

In all of these ways, he remains unchanged from the little boy we first met a year and a half ago.

In some ways, he has changed quite a bit. He has learned to stick up for himself, instead of letting himself be "walked on" (I attribute that to having four brothers). He has grown very confident in many ways. Where he was once shy and very unsure of himself, he now carries a quiet confidence. He knows he is smart. He knows he is the world's best soccer goalie. He knows he is adored by nine siblings, two parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends. He knows he is funny. He has learned how to loosen up and play, and just be a kid.

He has also decided he likes attention. Where last year it was almost painful for him to have a room full of people sing to him "Happy Birthday" at full volume, this year he welcomed it and even shook his booty to add to the entertainment.

Watching this amazing little boy blossom in our family has been wonderful. Getting the chance to be his mom is a true blessing. I look forward to seeing what the next years bring and how he continues to change and how he continues to remain the same amazing Ben.



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