Not knowing how old your child is can be a stressful thing for adoptive parents. Some parents know before their child arrives that the child's given age is a "best guess" (and could therefor be inaccurate) and some people discover upon placement that the age they were given for their child is off big time. I traveled with a family to Ethiopia last year who thought that they were adopting a toddler and a preschooler, and got to Addis and received two children who were years older. It happens.

How to handle this type of situation can be a challenge. Adoptive parents need a date of birth to use on doctor records, school records, birth certificates, etc. Plus, children often identify with their age, and so deciding on an age as soon as possible is often desirable. Here are some tips if you find yourself in the position of trying to determine how old your child is.

- If possible, give it time. Internationally adopted children often grow and change significantly in their early months home, and as your child learns English and the language barrier is removed, it is often somewhat easier to gauge their development. A child who may pass as a toddler in size and development when they first arrive home, may grow inches in height and become clearly older in development in six months to a year after homecoming.

- Don't put a whole lot of credit into your child's size. I have two children, who based on their size, would be "guessed" to be at least two years younger than they really are, and I have two children, who based on their size, are often guessed to be years older than they really are. Kids come small and kids come big. Plus, kids who have lived in less than ideal conditions are often small for their age. Height and weight can be useful tools (especially if you have measurements over an extended period of time) however, remember that there are huge variables in age and size.

- Bone scans can be a useful medical tool, however they can also be unreliable if a child has suffered significant malnutrition. Bone scans are generally accepted to be accurate within 18 months or so, so this is likely only a valuable tool for people whose children's ages could be off by more than a year.

- Dental records can often be a useful medical tool for determining a child's estimated age, however remember again, that "normal" tooth development can vary widely. I have a nine year old (whose birth date is 100% accurate) that already has her 12 year old molars coming in. I have a six year old who is yet to have a single wiggly tooth (much to her dismay).

- In some cases, a developmental screening can be very useful, especially in toddlers and preschoolers, however it is wise to remember that internationally adopted children can often have some developmental delay, especially in the early days home.

- The younger your child is, the less variable there could be in his age. Obviously a baby or toddler's age can only be "off" by a certain amount. In situations like that of our Solomon, when the child's age is clearly within a six month range or so, my advice is to just pick a date that has some significant meaning to you, because in a few years, if your child's birth date is off by a few months one way or another, it won't be a big deal. "Guessing" is often the best you can do, and I think considering it will likely be hard for your child to accept that no one really knows exactly when he was born, that it will comforting for him to know that his birthday is one you chose for a significant reason, and not just randomly.

- When giving a child an age and a birth date, my advice is to err on the side of making the child younger than he is, versus possibly making him older than he really is. Children who were adopted internationally are often emotionally immature when compared to their same-aged peers in the U.S., and they are usually smaller in size. Making them a little younger gives them more time to learn the language and catch up in school. Most of these kids have not had much of a typical childhood, and they have much to experience. Letting them "be kids" a little longer is often a good thing, and takes some pressure off socially and academically.

- On the flip side, you definitely do not want to underage your child by too much, because let's face it, no one wants their fourth grader going through puberty.

- The best way to determine your child's age is to use a combination of available information. Take the information you have from your child's referral, any information your child is able to give you, any medical input you receive from doctors or dentists, any developmental screening information, your child's size and emotionally maturity and then combine it with what feels "right" to you as a parent after your child has been with your for some time.