So, from what I have read and what I have learned from our personal experiences, here are some tips on the special challenges that toddlers often face in adoption, and some ideas on how to handle them. Many of these issues are not unique to toddlers, (nor is a lot of the advise).

Language- A typical toddler is often labeled as “terrible two” because of their behavior that usually results from frustration in not being able to communicate what they want, or to plead their case when the answer “no” is given. If you think about it, if your 7 year old asks for a glass of milk and you say, “no, we’re going to eat dinner in a few minutes”, that child has the ability to understand what you are saying, understand they will be getting food and drink shortly, and then possibly make a counter offer such as, “can I have some water then?”

If a toddler asks for milk and you give the same answer, all they hear is “no”, and then without the skills to do much more and feeling hungry and/or thirsty, they very well may throw themselves on the floor and begin the screaming and thrashing about that is a tantrum.

Most toddlers are just starting to get some real communication skills, which tends to lower their frustration levels…so imagine what it would feel like to a child that is just starting to get a hang of this communication stuff, and then someone goes and changes the language on them. Talk about frustrating!

Even if your child is not adopted internationally, it is still likely that an adoption will set back their communication. If you have children, think for a minute how YOU can understand a lot of things that your toddler says that no one else can. Your toddler will likely be confused as to why you cannot understand what they want, and if it is an international adoption, why they can’t understand you.

To help with the language issue, it is often helpful for the new parents to learn some familiar words to the child. If your child is from China, it would be helpful to learn how to say some things like eat, drink, sleep, sad, happy, bath, play, no, sit, etc. in Chinese.

Sign language is also helpful. Children can often learn to sign much faster than they can learn to speak a new language, and it has been shown that signing helps children develop language skills and learn English much more quickly. Learning some basic toddler words in sign language might be a great idea. I can highly recommend the Signing Times series of books and DVDs if you are interested in some kid-geared signing stuff.

Some basic ABC type books with pictures can also help your child learn English more quickly.

The faster you find a way to communicate with your child…whether it be by learning some words in their first language, teaching them some signing or focusing on teaching them English (or any combination of the three), the better your relationship will be and the less frustrated your child will be.

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