(continued from previous post)

When Amanda arrived from Korea, she was tired, hot, sweaty, overwhelmed, confused…just what you would expect. That first day she was very quiet, and we got glimpses of the girl that she was, as she ran off down the hallway after a sibling, bonked a brother with a balloon, or giggled with Maggie over something funny. Within a few days she got VERY clingy with me…not wanting to be put down or to let me out of her site.

And, she got petrified of Josh. She wanted nothing to do with him, and she was so afraid of him that she would tremble. When he walked into the room she would point her little finger at him very subtly and would then very slightly shake her head back and forth “no”. She would look at me pleadingly like, “look lady, I will eat your food, play with these kids, sleep in that bed, wear these clothes and put up with you, but please don’t ask me to like that big, scary guy.”

In Korea, the children sleep with the adults, and that is what we planned on doing with Amanda when she first came home to help her get settled, but she was so afraid of Josh that she wouldn’t sleep with us. She would huddle next to me, point over at him and do that “no” shake, and then start to tremble and whimper.

So I slept with her in her bed, in her new room. In hindsight, it was a great plan anyway. I helped her get used to her new bed and her new room. At first I slept with her all night, then after a month or two I laid with her until she fell asleep and then went upstairs, and then after another month or two I laid with her until she was tired, and then said goodnight and went upstairs. She did great with this.

Food was also an issue. She was used to eating rice, and lots of it. She came home a week before Easter, and she would not touch a jelly bean or a piece of chocolate…you would have thought we were feeding her poison if you saw the faces she made when she tried the candy (once). She ate rice with every meal, and not much else. We had a big pot always ready, because it was familiar and it was what she wanted. (Note…one year later it was obvious how much was had already ruined her healthy habits, as she gorged on Easter candy with the rest of her siblings!!!)

Amanda carefully watched Josh whenever he was with the other kids. She watched him play with the boys. She watched how Maggie ran to him and wanted to be held. She watched him give and receive hugs and kisses. After a while she tolerated him being in the room, but still didn’t want him to touch her. She would join in a game with him, as long as he kept his hands off. She was warming up to him, but still wanted it to be on her terms.

On day 15 after Amanda came home, Josh came home from work, and Amanda walked over to him and raised her arms in the universal toddler sign for “pick me up.” Josh carefully and slowly picked her up and she rested her head on his shoulder and gave him a long overdue hug. And Josh cried.

Overall, Amanda did wonderfully. She blended into our family and bonded with all of us very quickly, and settled into good eating and sleeping habits smoothly. I do think that our preparation and understanding of how she would be feeling and the accommodations we made for that also helped.

I also think that the little photo album we had sent her while she was in Korea helped a lot too. Although we were “strangers” to her at first, it was obvious she recognized us from her photo album, as she pulled it out that first day and showed us our pictures.

Today, Amanda is a happy and healthy five year old who is very securely attached to her family. We feel more prepared for Belane's adoption, from what we learned during Amanda's adoption. Even though I know all kids are different and that Belane will likely be very different from Amanda, I know a lot of what she will be going through will be very similar.

Stay tuned for my next posts on tips for your toddler adoption.