Routine and Structure- Toddlers crave structure. They are creatures of habit. They crave routine and familiarity. They very easily get “out of whack” when their routine or structure is changed.

If you are already a parent, think for just a minute about how “off” your toddler can be if they miss a nap or miss a meal, or spend a long time in the car, etc. Keeping that in mind, it is easy to understand just how “off” a toddler that might be that all of a sudden finds himself with new people in a new place, being fed new foods, sleeping in a new place, hearing a new language, etc. etc. etc.

Establishing a predictable routine, especially around meal times, nap time and bed time, will be very beneficial to your toddler. They are creatures of habit and they crave control, and having a predictable day will help your toddler to feel safe and secure and to feel like they have regained some control over their lives. It will also help them feel less fearful and more trusting in you.

It is important to remember that before your toddler is fully attached to you, that they need close supervision, especially when out in the world. Toddlers are known for taking off anyway, and a toddler that is not firmly attached to their new family very well may wonder off with a stranger.

It is also advisable to babyproof your home. Especially if you are adopting internationally, your home is going to be a whole new world for your child. Plants,
televisions, light switches, and eight million other things are going to be brand new for your toddler, and toddlers learn about the world with your hands. You will save yourself and your child a lot of grief by removing as many things as possible that you don’t want to be broken, climbed on, chewed on, etc. It will make things safer for your child, and will spare both of you from countless "no's".

It is also wise to limit the toys that you give to them at first. As tempting as it may be to show them all of their new “stuff” at once, toddlers are very easily overwhelmed, and one or two new things at a time is plenty.

Toddlers are stubborn. They are constantly testing their limits. And a new child, attaching to a new family, is also going to be testing their limits and testing out their new parents. So adopting a toddler, you should expect to be tested… a lot! Your toddler may “know” that they are not supposed to throw food on the floor, but they have to see what will happen if they do. Will you let him get away with it? Will you get angry? Send the message you want to be send, and control your emotions. An appropriate response would be to end the meal, and depending on the age/development of the child, having them him help you clean up the mess.

Your child needs to get the message that you are going to love him no matter what, but that there are clear and consistent limits as well. This will make him feel safe.

A big piece of advise I can give you is do NOT make a battle over eating or potty training (this goes with any kids!) Toddlers know that what they eat and where they go to the bathroom are two things that they have total control over (and you do not) and therefore you do not want to get into a control battle over these things. Keep a light-hearted and pleasant attitude around meals and potty training as much as possible. And remember it is totally normal and expected for a child that is potty trained before adoption to regress for a while after adoption.

Toddlers may want to over eat or they may not want to eat much at all. As much as possible, try not to make it something you are emotional about, and do not get into a control battle over it.

If you have other children in your home, it is smart to prepare them for what their new brother or sister may act like at first…remind them that they may be scared, sad, mad, etc. and tell them why, and that the new sibling will need time to settle in and get used to his or her new home and family.

Toddlers are a ton of fun. They enjoy the simplest of pleasures, and the whole world is just waiting for them to explore. If you are prepared to adopt a child this age, it can be a wonderful experience, even with it’s challenges.

Our toddler adoption was an amazing blessing, and we are very much looking forward to doing it again.

I recommend you read the books and prepare before your child gets home as much as possible, and have resources and help on hand for once your child is home if you find you need it.

I hope these posts were helpful...if you have adopted toddlers I would love for you to send a comment with some advice of your own.