If you adopt an African American child or a biracial child, one of the hottest topics is hair care. It's not just a matter of childcare; hair is also a matter of great pride in the African American community. If you take your blonde haired daughter out in public with a head full of messy hair, chances are no one will say anything to you. But if you take your AA daughter out in public without her hair done, your chances of hearing comments are good, and the chances are especially good if you are a Caucasian mother.

So what's a newly adoptive mom to do?? If you grew up in a traditional Caucasian family, the chances of you knowing anything at all about cornrows, hot combs, relaxers or twists are slim to none. The differences in washing, brushing and care in general are big and there is an outrageous number of products out there for AA hair. Luckily, there are lots of great resources out there, and with a little practice, even this Irish lass can cornrow and twist with the best of them.


On the transracial adopt forum, you can find lots of great info from parents who have been there, done that. That link is http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=314

Here are two of the must read books on hair care. The first one we have, and it gives basic care of AA hair tips, as well as styles from simple to complex.

It’s All Good Hair, by Michele Collison (Amistad, 2002),
Let’s Talk Hair, by Pamela Ferrell (Cornrows and Co., 1996)
Check out http://adoptionshop.com/
www.tapestrybooks.com and www.amazon.com for these and other great titles.

Here is a link to a great parent question and answer panel on Adoptive Families magazine involving all sorts of hair types…
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=846

There is also a very educational Yahoo group called “Transracialadopt” that focuses on hair and skin care. You can go to Yahoo.com, click on groups, and search for Transracial adoption if you are interested. There are lots of experienced parents on there.

I think that if you were to find a kid-friendly AA hair salon that they would be more than willing to give you advice and maybe even a lesson or too. Hopefully you have some AA friends or acquaintances also that can teach you the basics.

I think the important thing is that you try. By learning how to care for your AA child’s hair, you are showing her (or him), your family and the community around you that you care, you respect her heritage and you are taking the time to learn.

It takes time and practice. I was baptized by fire so to speak…our first experience with AA hair was when we adopted our two AA girls, who were ages 9 and 6 at placement. They knew what their hair SHOULD look like. Gosh, looking back they were SO patient with me. My sweet Destinee looked at me after my first attempt at braids and said, “you did really good for your first time Mom.”

The first time I stood in the AA hair care aisle and tried to figure out what to buy, I imagined I knew how my husband feels when he is in the feminine products aisle. It’s a whole new world!

Well, I figured it out, and now I take great pride in my girls’ hair. Getting them both braided no longer takes all day, and I have quite a few styles I can do with confidence. One of my top “proud adoptive mom moments” happened in New York last summer. After a day at the beach I spent quite a bit of time washing and re-braiding Des’s hair. We went with my aunt to the vet to drop off the cat, and the AA receptionist commented to Des on how cute her hairstyle was. Then she asked “where” she had had her hair done. Well, Des said, “My Mom did it,” and pointed to me, and I honestly thought I would bust with pride. It was a great moment.

And as intimidated as I once was, I have come to love my AA daughters’ hair, just as much as I love my Asian daughter’s hair and my own. It’s different from what I knew, but it is wonderful and beautiful and a lot of fun. One last piece of advise…use the time you spend (and you will spend a lot of time) doing hair to bond. We had some of our deepest conversations when we were “doing hair”. It’s a great time to just have mother-daughter chit-chit. Good luck and enjoy!