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In the past on this blog, I have had some good posts come as a result of “Questions and Answers”. What sort of things are you interested in as a transracial adoptive parent, or as a prospective transracial adoptive parent?
What issues are you concerned about handling? What worries you? What excites you? What advice do you want or need the very most? What would you like to read about? I thought that I would throw this out there, and if you will leave me a question or two in a comment, then I will happily answer them in posts to come. Let’s try to keep it on topic (so no, “what brand laundry soap” type of questions are needed) but anything on the topic of transracial adoption is fair game. Give me your best shot!
I will start by answering the most basic of questions on transracial adoption.
Why would you adopt transracially?
For us, it became the clear choice. We wanted a daughter. We had three sons, and we really wanted a little girl. I could not give birth to any more children, and I knew that with three, we were not “done”.
We looked into domestic infant adoption, and found that if we wanted a white baby, the fees were astronomical, the waits were indefinite (some agencies talked in terms of “if” not “when” a placement happened) and as a first time adoptive parents, the risks of domestic adoption were scary to me.
We had friends adopting from Russia and looked into that briefly (while looking into other options) and we were scared off by stories of fraud, long travel and very high fees (please note that there are some very good agencies and programs working in Russia).
But to be honest, transracial adoption appealed to me from the very beginning. I never saw white babies and children as “better” or “more desirable”. Before we decided for sure on adopting transracially we put a lot of thought and consideration into the ethical issues, racial issues and what it would be like to really be a transracial family, and while we knew it would not be simple, we felt that it was the best adoption path for us, and we felt that we could offer the best possible family to an orphaned child.
We looked into several different programs and found the best one for us at that time. We brought our first daughter home, and things sort of snowballed from there. Now five years and seven kids later, I can’t imagine our family as anything other than it is; a beautiful, wonderful mix of races and cultures, bonded together by love and belonging.
So, please go ahead and leave me your transracial adoption questions. I look forward to reading them and to answering them.
Oooooh
*rubbing hands together*…girl, I got some questions!
1. My son will be from Rwanda…so would you call that Rwandan-American, African-American, or just American.
2. I am a little concerned that I might break his hair. Help!
3. I now see the AA Santa’s, AA Nativity sets, etc. How do you balance the holidays?
4. Any (very kind) witty remarks to keep up my sleeve for the busy bodies at the grocery store?
I’ve got to cook dinner, but I’ll be back with more!!
Mostly I’m wondering what my future adoptive son will go through being raised by an African American when he’ll be Asian (from Vietnam) and how to handle all the commnets people will throw at me, including family.
I really want to adopt from a number of places, so t he way I build my family is none of their business.
Also, I still don’t understand why more folks seem to want to adopt girls than boys. I want to adopt both, but If I were to adopt a son sometime within the year, than a daughter from another place, the wait time will be longer.
more later…
Thank you SO MUCH for this opportunity.
1. What is the best way to integrate with a racial/cultural group that you have not had much interaction with in the past? (i.e. white parents adopting an African son)
2. What do you think is the biggest difference between adult adoptees who resent their transracial placement and those who embrace it? As parents, what is the best way to ensure the latter?
3. We have 9 & 10 year-old bio kids. Would you recommend them traveling to Ethiopia to bring their adopted brother into the family? Do you think whether or not they travel with us will make a difference in their long-term bonding with their new brother?
Thank you again! I’ll be back!
What about re-lactating to nurse? Have you heard positive or negitive things about nursing a baby of another race?
Wow! That question never once occurred to me. I guess I always assumed that mother’s milk is mother’s milk.
Here’s my comment is it really the childs fault that he/she is transracial? No, it’s not the childs fault and sometimes not the mothers fault either. Somethings in life happen and they’re not always good ones at all and something else people need to think about did their parents raise them and tell them that life in all aspects were perfect. If you are a realistic person you would be like that life is not perfect if it was there would not be all these children out there needing homes and wanting someone anyone to love them. Due to the factor their blood parents would be doing that for them instead of someone else and yes you have some people out there that cannot do for their children and it hurts them and in some cases the welfare or government won’t help them do to their past. So people like you and I and many others are there wanting to help these children and provide them what they need and more. I myself want to take in at least 2-5 more children pluse raise the 3 that I already have well one lives with us every other weekend and that’s my spouses little girl other than that we have 2 little boys. I am one that does not care about race, gender, ethnicity, or physical/mental handicaps. Yes, I know it may be a hard thing to deal with but I want to provide for any child that needs a home and wants everything I can give them I have a bery big heart. I remember a few years back when my oldest one was only 1 1/2 years old there were alot of 13-15 year olds running around on the streets of all hours so I opened my door and gave them a safe place and some of the kids parents mistreated them badly would take their foodstamps and trade them for drugs, and other crazy stuf. So I made it a point to make sure those kids had eaten at least once for that day and their school work was done and they had clean clothes that fit and shoes that weren’t torn all to shreds. I did all this working at a factory and raising my one child on my own, but I did have one good friend that also helped me help those children and she watched my son while I worked so we could help those in need. Money was tight but we did it. And now I would love to take in any child and put them under my roof till they were good and ready to go out into the world themselves. Anyway I think that alot of people want a pure white/black/hispanic healthy baby but sometimes if that’s what you want you’re gonna have to pay a bundle but those people also need to remember there’s millions of babies out there that need someone. And they also need to be given a chance in life. So please those of you out there remember children are innocent and need to be given a chance at life too. It doesn’t matter what they look like they can love back just as well as you or I can!!!!
For all of you mother’s out there PLEASE remember a child is a child and they are innocent in so many ways take them as a piece of putty and form them into good young men and women. Love and charish every minute you have with them, cause if they are not givin to you right from birth you know that there is some type of damage to their poor little minds and sometimes little bodies. Only you can help fix them!!! But remember it can be rough and very rocky the older they are. Be strong for them PLEASE! That way when they grow up and start their own families they don’t do what their biological parents did to them, and they take from you the correct guidance leadeer they have and had. It’s important that we teach them right from wrong and maybe we can help with the future generations.