For families adopting internationally, a common question that pops up is if it is a good idea to bring the children they already have at home along on the trip to pick up their new child.

A reader of my blog recently left me this question:

We have 9 & 10 year-old bio kids. Would you recommend them traveling to Ethiopia to bring their adopted brother into the family? Do you think whether or not they travel with us will make a difference in their long-term bonding with their new brother?

There are good arguments both for taking along siblings on an adoption trip and for leaving them home. I will make a list of both, and also throw in some things to consider when making this decision.

Reasons to bring siblings along on an adoption trip:

- It makes the adoption a family experience and really helps your kids all feel like a big part of it.

- It gives your children a true understanding of where their new sibling is coming from, which can help them better understand how difficult the adjustment and transition may be.

- It is a unique opportunity for your kids to get to travel to another country.

- Having your other children along may help your new child feel comfortable with you more quickly. Sometimes when parents take their new child back to a hotel or wherever they are staying, it can be awkward at first, but having other kids around can really help break the ice and help the new child to feel comfortable quickly and "see" what kind of parent you are. Some kids feel nervous around new adults, but are much more comfortable around other kids.

- Having your other children along can also help with communication with your new child. When there is a communication gap, having your other kids around to model "put on your pajamas", "get in the bathtub", "hold my hand" or other things like that can be really helpful.

- Kids tend to be really good at entertaining each other.

- If you have adopted children already at home and are adopting from the same country, bringing your kids along on an adoption trip can be a great opportunity for them to visit the place they were born.

Reasons not to bring siblings along on an adoption trip:

- It's expensive! International plane tickets are often very pricey, and the costs to bring an entire family can be very prohibitive.

- International travel is tough. Long flights, time changes, jet lag, a new language, different foods, poverty and many other things can be extremely tough on children.

- International travel can be tough on parents too, and many find themselves extremely tired from jet lag and/or sick, and having less people to care for and worry about can be a good thing under those conditions.

- Your new child may want and need your undivided attention.

I know families who have brought their children along on their adoption trips and had wonderful experiences, and I know families who did and wished that they had not. I think a lot of factors go into play. Here are some things to ask yourself when making this decision.

- Are my kids good travelers?

- Do my kids handle it o.k when their schedule is interrupted, or do they struggle when meals and sleep are off schedule? How are they in new and different situations?

- Are my kids very sensitive? Children who are very sensitive may find the poverty in many other countries very hard to handle, and may also struggle with being stared at and the extra attention that will come from being in the racial minority.

- Are my kids picky eaters?

- Do they have trouble sleeping when away from home?

- Will my kids be jealous or struggle if I have to spend a lot of time with their new sibling?

- Could my kids be a help with their new sibling?

- Do my kids want to travel to pick up their new sibling?

- Can we afford it?

- Is the place we are traveling to safe?

- Does my child have any special medical needs that would make international travel concerning?

- Will my kids be o.k. missing school?

As I said, I know families that have brought their other children along on adoption trips and had wonderful experiences, and I know families that brought children along and found it very challenging. Personally, we have never had the extra ten thousand dollars or more it would take to bring along all of our kids, and I have cherished the one on one time I have had with our new children on our adoption trips. However, I also think it would have been a wonderful experience if our kids had been able to experience traveling to Ethiopia or Vietnam with us.

To answer the original question, I don't think that the overall and long term relationship and bonding between your children will be affected by whether or not they travel to Ethiopia with you. I do think that it could help "jump start" bonding, but there are many other things to consider when deciding if bringing your kids along is the right decision for your family or not.

Mary over at the Ethiopia Adoption blog is blogging this week about her trip to Ethiopia last week to get her two new daughters. She and her husband brought along their two and five year old daughters on the trip and she is sharing her experiences.