I have a wee bit of a reputation here where we live of being "the one to go to if you, or someone you know, has a question about adoption." I get a lot of phone calls, emails and people stopping me in the grocery store because their (fill in the blank with daughter, cousin, sister, friend, etc.) is interested in adopting a child.

Some of these people already have children and want to adopt to add to their family because they are older or cannot have any more children. Some of these people want to adopt because it is something they have "always wanted to do" and they are finally in a position to do so. And some of these people come to me after a long, hard, emotional battle with infertility and are ready to try a new road to becoming a parent.

I try to be really sensitive to where ever they are coming from, and I try to give them basic information as a starting point, such as the challenges and benefits of domestic adoption, the challenges and benefits of international adoption, the children available for adoption, the costs involved, etc.

But honestly, one of the very first things I have to do before I can recommend programs and agencies, is to get a feel for what age, gender, race, etc. child they are hoping for. I always start out by asking them what their ideal child would be. Are you hoping for a very young infant? Are you open to special needs? Are you open to children of any race?

I have had all sorts of responses. Some people honestly say, "We are open to a child or any race." Some people give a puzzled look and say, "We haven't really thought about it yet." And, I had one lady say, "Well we certainly wouldn't take a black baby, if that is what you mean." I felt like saying, "Gosh lady, have you SEEN my family?"

When you are very new to the idea of adoption there is so much to learn, so much to think about, so much to be aware of and so many decisions to make that it can be really overwhelming. Making the decision to adopt is a huge decision on it's own, but deciding how to proceed, and what program and agency are right, are very complicated decisions.

In my next post I will share some of the tips I offer to families who are just starting out on their adoption journey.