As I have been writing about transracial adoption and the topic of how it is often portrayed as trendy or taboo, I have gotten a lot of great comments that I wanted to ensure did not get overlooked.

Here are some of the comments that I wanted to share, and my responses.

Rebecca, from the Vietnam Adoption Blog said:

I'd really like to know what all the people who think transracial adoption is morally wrong propose to do about all the children (abandoned, orphaned, abused ...) who have no families. The only "solutions" I've heard from people from this school of thought are far-fetched, years down the road, requiring tons of funding, won't happen in a million years lofty ideas.

What about the kids suffering now? Right this second they need a family--should a loving family turn their back on them because they don't match their skin color/religion/race/etc.? Is it better for them to languish in the *hopes* that a same-race family decides to adopt them? What do we do if that never happens?

It just blows my mind.

I'm all for teaching kids about their birth culture, and I think it's extremely important. This may require more work from a transracial family, but it's certainly possible, and there are many, many happy, well-functioning and well-adjusted transracial families to prove it.

I agree completely, and that is the point of my last post, Transracial Adoption- About the Kids.

I think it is vitally important that adoptive parents and others work to find solutions to the issues that are creating orphans in the first place. Issues like poverty, preventable and/or treatable illnesses, famine and others that have made millions of orphans must be addressed so that the families of the future can remain intact. However, for the millions of children that are suffering now, it is not realistic to wait for programs to come along to change their lives. They need help now. They need love, education, medical care, safe drinking water, security and so many other things that so many take for granted.

"Sunbonnet Sue" said:

This might open a can of worms, but I'd wager it's better for kids to be adopted into a loving, capable family even if that family completely ignored the culture of origin. They'd still have medical care, food, clean water and a safe place to live.

My bio kids are one quarter Swedish, and yet I've never cooked them a single ethnic meal, spoken a word of Swedish to them, or done a single geography lesson on Sweden. The horrors!

Don’t get me wrong, it is truly admirable the lengths many parents go to in order to keep the child familiar with their origins. Especially for older child adoptions. However, it’s the daily love, care, food, warmth. *That’s* what causes a child to thrive. Not whether they “match” their parents physically, or what language they speak. Heck, I didn’t even match my own mother! (biological) She was one quarter Indian, with brown eyes, dark skin and black hair, carrying around a little blond haired, blue eyed one half Swedish baby.

I have often said on this blog that I have to wonder what kind of people that all of these children who grow up on their own will grow up to be. We're not talking about a handful of kids, we're talking about millions of kids who are growing up without anyone looking out for their emotional well-being. I do believe that having love and family and all that comes along with being part of a loving family, is the most important thing a child can have.

I also believe that parents choosing to adopt transracially should go to great lengths to keep their children connected to their origins and to help them build a healthy racial self-esteem, as we have heard from adult adoptees how difficult it can be on transracially adopted children to grow up in a home where race is ignored.

"R~", an adult adoptee, said:

I am transracially adopted and was adopted at a time (1972) when it was not acceptable for a white family to adopt a black child, to twist it even further, I was the only black child in the city I was raised in up and through high school graduation.. My adoptive parents obtained a lawyer to be able to finalize the adoption at that time, it took three years. The social worker and the state felt that I would never "survive" in an entirely white community and school system, the harder they fought my parents, the harder my parents fought back... I was told at one point that I would have basically been thrown into the system/foster care etc. if it hadn't been for the determination of my adoptives.. So... with that said.. I have many points of view about the subject some positive and some trials and tribulations I encountered a long the way.

Thank you "R" for sharing a small part of your experience with us. I think it is good for adoptive parents to expect their to be lots of positives as well as trials and tribulations along the way.

Hopefully parents choosing transracial adoption today know how important it is for their children to not be the only black or Asian child, and the importance of keeping a child connected to their culture as much as possible, and having an integrated life, surrounded by people of many races.

"Miriam" said:

I agree with Jamie Lee Curtis who says that questioning people's motives on this is "hateful". We like to read articles about the flaws of the rich & famous, and will buy magazines who promise us these criticisms.

I love this quote. For one, it is true that it is hateful to question people's motives when it comes to adoption. Some of the most hurtful comments I have gotten have been ones doing just that.

I also think it is an important point to be made that if no one was buying the tabloids that go on and on about adoption as a "trend" that the media would take a different tactic. Obviously all of the fact-less (or factually-challenged) articles on celebrity adoptions are selling.

"Logan05" said:

Kinda interesting topic, for me. I placed my half Filipino child with a white couple. I didn't do it because I wanted to ignore his roots or because I wanted to make them answer questions all of their life. I did it because they are awesome people and I think that they will take awesome care of him and his sister. Isn't that what adoption is supposed to be about, what is best for the child and not about whether or not they match their parents?

First off, thank you "logan05" for commenting. Comments from birth parents mean so much to me, especially ones who have placed their children transracially. We had very open situations with the birth parents of our children adopted domestically, and both birth mothers expressed similar attitudes towards adoption as you did. They wanted their children to be loved, cherished and cared for in every way. They chose us because they thought we were wonderful parents, and that was their top criteria and priority. Race was secondary.

Our sons' grandmother in Ethiopia told us that her greatest concern was that her grandson would be loved and cared for. She cared about his Ethiopian culture and roots and wanted him to know about where he is from, but cared most about his physical and emotional well-being. She patted and kissed our cheeks and told us we were good parents and cried tears of joy that her grandson had parents again.

"Chromesthesia" said:

I don't know how people can think adopting on any level or having kids in general is fashionable. Babies make horrible accessories, as they tend to unintentionally ruin any cool outfit you're wearing with various fluids.

That is SO true!

She continued:

But seriously, harping on a trivial subject like race when so many children are suffering, so many lack homes makes no sense. They can't see the forest for the trees! Imagine thinking an African American baby is better spending most of their lives from going from one foster home to the next than going with a family that will love them? How can that be MORE damaging? People's logic makes no sense to me. They have no idea the sort of agony kids here and overseas go through. There's no fashionable stylish baby boutique but poverty, loss and sad circumstances that won't change until the whole world takes a shift and children become a higher priority...

While I don't think that race is a trivial subject, I do understand what you are saying and agree that we need to think of these children as individuals and what is best for their situations, their realities and their lives. Children absolutely need to become a higher priority in this world.

"Knit2purl2" said:

Our daughter was adopted from Colombia as an infant. She fought any and all things Colombian.

No way could I get on her a dress I brought back from Colombia when she was 3 (I went with a dear friend to bring home her baby daughter).

Never mind that the dress was made in Switzerland and didn't look ethnic at all; she was not buying any of that, thank you very much!

She was an American, a part of our family and we wanted to be sure we were emphasizing that, not the differences. Celebrating unity rather than diversity worked best for us...because by celebrating unity we are embracing all our differences and celebrating together.

I have heard from many adoptive parents that their children were not interested in culture and even openly rejected it. I think that it is important for adoptive parents not to push cultural "stuff" on our children, but to always have it be available and to continue to provide opportunities, even if they are rejected. It is good to remember that what children want can change often, and a child who has no desire to go to a culture camp one year, may jump at the chance the next. It is our job to provide the opportunities and make them available, but not to force it.

I also think that celebrating unity and embracing differences is a wonderful thing for all families to do. :)


That is all I have for now. Thanks to everyone who has read along with this thread, and especially those who took the time to leave comments. It was great to hear from adoptive parents, an adoptee and a birth parent all on the same post. Please feel free to still jump in and leave a comment.