There has been a lot of “debate” about how “right’ or “wrong” it is for Americans to adopt African orphans in the media lately…brought on no doubt by the Material Girl herself.

I wanted to give my thoughts on this, as an American adoptive mom, who is actually in Africa.

I have said numerous times on my blog that I do not believe that international adoption is the answer to the problems of poverty and famine and illness and all of the other tragedies of society that are plaguing so many parts of the world.

I believe the a child’s culture and country of birth are a very important piece of who they are, and that a nation’s children are one of their greatest resources, and they should be kept in their families, countries and culture if at all possible. International adoption should be a last resort.

But unfortunately, the world is full of children right now who are at the “last resort” phase…children with no parents, no security, no love, no hope for a future. With little or no opportunities for medical care or education, and no family support, the future is bleak for these children.

When I hear people who “oppose” international adoption, I wish that they could be where I am, and see what I have seen this week. I wish that they could look at a floor mat full of gorgeous babies, all without mothers to hold them and rock them and feed them. I wish that they could be in a room full of toddlers…hanging on your arms and legs and calling “Mom” and doing anything they can for a moment of attention. I wish they could see the crumpled faces and hear the heart breaking cries of those toddlers when they are put back down, and their fleeting moments of attention are done. I wish that they could look into the eyes of the older children…all the many older children…and hear them ask the orphanage workers, with hope in their voices, if they have “a family?”

I wonder then, if the “opposers” could look into the eyes of these children, if they would still say that they should stay where they are. If the children were real, and not just numbers, would they still feel that life in an orphanage is a better alternative to a loving family in another country? It is easy to say that they should stay with their first families, but for most, that is just not possible.

It is a great loss when these children are taken from the land and culture of their birth, and one that should not be ignored or underestimated, but I believe it is a much greater loss for these children to never have the opportunity for love…for love, and home, and family, and an education, and medical care…for a life in which they are not all alone in the world.

How much worse off will our world be if millions of children grow up without ever having love?

Life is not perfect…adoption is not perfect…but I believe that it is the best option for many orphaned children in Africa…for the alternative is too sad and too heartbreaking to permit.

I have seen these children…I have spent time with these children. They want to be adopted…they hope to be adopted. I have not met one child yet while here in Ethiopia that sits in the orphanage and hopes that they never get chosen so that they can stay here.

I believe while losing their homeland and culture and familiar life will be difficult and sad, and that being in a transracial family will certainly have its issues and challenges…that those loses and challenges are much easier to bare than growing up one of countless other orphans with no love and no security. Being loved and having a place to belong has got to be the better option. I believe that with all my heart, and that is why I am here right now.

We have to join together and work together to find ways to help the countries and families. We have to help find solutions to keep parents alive and families together…to find ways to better the economic conditions so no parent ever has to give up a child simply because they cannot feed him. We have to try and work towards solutions to prevent future orphans from being created.

But while we are working on these things, there are children waiting now…children who it is too late for…whose families are gone or unable to care for them…whose villages are full of so many like them that they cannot take them in.

International adoption only touches a tiny percentage of those children around the world. The problems in society seem too big to even begin to tackle, but we must look at it as you would “eating an elephant”…one small piece at a time.

Every time a child is sponsored so they can remain in their family and stay in school, every time an animal or livestock is donated to a poor family in a third world country, every time a single mother is given the resources she needs to allow her to parent her baby if she chooses, every time medications are made available to third world countries, every time people are educated about how HIV and other diseases are spread, every time prenatal care is provided to help keep mothers alive to parent their children, every time someone decides to care…we take a bite out of that elephant.

While I have been here in Addis, I have had an overwhelmingly supportive reaction to our adopting Belane. Several well-dressed and well-educated Ethiopians have stopped me to say that they think adoption is a “blessed thing” and a “wonderful thing” and that they are grateful that Americans and others care about the orphans in Ethiopia and are sad that Ethiopia is unable to care for its children.

I’ve been thanked for taking her (and these people do not know she is HIV+). One woman with very limited English stopped me to say (while pointing at Belane), “Baby has no mother in Ethiopia. Adopt is very very good. You good mother. You love her. She loves you.”

I always tell everyone here who stops to talk to me about adoption or Belane that we love her beyond words and are so grateful to have her…that we are lucky and we are blessed…and we are. When we get on that plane, Ethiopia will be losing one of its most perfect, special and amazing children.

We will raise her, as all of our children, to be proud of who they are and where they came from…to know how amazing the people are here and the many special things about the place she was born. She’ll know about the wonderful people who did their best to care for her once she was orphaned. And she’ll always know she is loved.

So to me, all this pop-star induced debating about the morals and perils of international adoption should boil down to two things…children and love. Children need love. Children deserve love. Adoption is a way to give some children the love they need and deserve, when they would otherwise live life without it.

Adoption must be ethical and legal, and a real last resort for true orphans. Under those conditions, I don't see what is left to argue about.