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Issues involving race are never cut and dry, and are often emotional, complex and at times, overwhelming.
For transracial adoptive parents, or parents considering transracial adoption, there is much to think about and much to learn. Here are a few simple (or not so simple) truths regarding race and transracial adoption that I have come to learn, and that all transracial adoptive parents or those considering transracial adoption, should consider.
- Racism is real. It is alive and well in the United States today, and in many other countries, too. It happens every day in big obvious ways, but also in small subtle ways, like the cop who pulls over the black man in the fancy car for no real reason, the store owner who keeps a close eye on black teens but ignores white teens, the white people who cross the road when a black man is walking towards them, and the teachers who expect all of their Asian students to excel in math and be uninterested in sports.
Transracial adoptive parents must be aware that racism is real and is still really happening. If they deny that, or are unaware of that, they will not be able to adequately prepare their children for the world in which they have to grow up and live.
- Race is important. It is easy to say, “love is colorblind”, and I understand the sentiment behind that. I love my children equally and do not care if they are white, black, Asian or anything else. That is a good thing. But it is important that I acknowledge that my kids ARE white, black and Asian. It is important that I understand that while I may look at them and just see “my children”, the rest of the world will look at them and judge them by the color of their skin and the slant of their eyes. It is important that I teach them about their cultures, and that I instill in them a sense of pride in who they are and where they are from.
- White people have the luxury of being able to live their lives mostly unaware and unaffected by racism if they choose to do so. By choosing to adopt transracially, we are choosing to make racism, prejudice and racial issues a part of our lives and a part of our family. While adopting a black child does not make us “black”, it does make our family multiracial, and it does bring all of those issues very close to home and very real.
Continued in my next post…
Great post Erin!
I totally agree. Parents who adopt a child of another race/culture need to educate themselves about how differently the world views others, in relation to how whiteness is viewed.
We need to come out from under the cover of our white privilege.
I would also go farther to say that parents also need to actively supporting change. That might not mean participating in a march (like the recent one in Jena, LA, although one could.) But it is in how we respond to subtle racism around us.
Recently my father in law told me about a friend of his, whom he felt had been falsely accused of abuse. One of the first things he did was tell me that the accuser “is a black man” (without maliciousness, but racism is not always about intent) While I might not always want to educate, now it is my job as a parent to my son, so I responded, “I am sure that color did not play a factor in the possible crime. When I hear you say that, I also hear you saying that black men make false accusations, and that is an unfair generalization. When my son hears his grandfather say something like that, he will also be hearing, that you believe black men to be guilty of perpetrating falsehoods. How do you think he will feel about that, or then view himself, as a black male?”
Needless to say grandpa stopped short. He meant well, but meaning well is not enough. At least I think that he had an ah-ha moment and will think more closely about other things he might say off hand and perhaps without good consideration.
More importantly I am showing my son how to acknowledge subtle racist remarks, and handle them accordingly.
I am not white, but before a person adopts a child of another race they need to let go of the notion of people from this race acting this way.
Let go of the idea of atheletic black men, Asians with A+ report cards. Even folks in the Guatemala adoption forum using phrases like, “Latin temper” makes me brisel a bit.
Folks are all different in their behavour and mannerisms. These things are not products of race, but products of individual temperment, culture and peer pressure.
Also in other countries such as primarily Asian or African countries whites may find themselves on the otherside of the race coin. There are tons of obnoxious white American stereotypes. And lots of reversed racism. You can only judge people as individuals, but the larger society doesn’t do that, and it’s sad.