Walking the line

After writing about some of the truths about race and adoption that I have discovered since adopting transracially and, and sharing some of my personal thoughts and beliefs on race and adoption, I wanted to follow it up with some of my “strategies”.

I think that in a nutshell, transracial adoptive parents have to walk the line between realism and optimism. Now let me explain.

I think that we have to be realistic. We have to be aware of the ugliness of racism and it’s prevalence in our society. We have to acknowledge that as white people, we can not truly know how it feels to be black, Asian, Hispanic, etc., although we have to try for our children’s sake.

We have to teach our children to be aware of racism, and to teach them coping skills, so it does not blindside them. We have to be aware that we are raising children of minority races in a society with a good deal of racism. We have to acknowledge that there are challenges to being a transracial family, and that we need to be educated and prepared.

And yet I think we need to balance all of that with hope and optimism. It is easy to watch the news and see all of the bad that is out there. It is easy to get a rude comment from someone out in public and be discouraged. And yet we need to remember all of the positive comments we get. The rude comments get me down, but to be honest, at least 80% of the comments we get are overly positive.

sYesterday, when I was shopping with my kids in a small town store, the clerk (who we did not know) looked at Belane and said, “You are being so nice for Mommy”, as if the idea that I was anyone other than those kids’ mom had never crossed her mind.

I think of all of the people that have changed their thoughts and views on race in part because of my family. I think of the kids in my kids’ schools. I think of their teachers. I think of our church members, our neighbors, our extended family and our friends. And then I think of how many other transracial adoptive families are out there, and know that their families are also touching many people and changing peoples’ ways of thinking about race.

I look at my kids, who are growing up in a multiracial family, and think about how accepting and open-hearted they are, and think about what open-minded adults they will be in regards to race. I think about how different my life is now than it was 10 years ago. And then I think about that all multiplied by all of the other adoptive families out there.

I am not naive enough to believe that transracial adoptive families are eradicating racism or anything like that, however I do look for the small improvements, and believe that things are improving, albeit slowly, slowly, slowly, and often not without a few steps backwards.

So, I walk the line between realism and optimism. I know what my family is up against and what challenges my children will face, and yet I try to balance that realism with optimism that we will do our best to tackle those issues together, and we will build our children up with love, security, confidence, pride and a great big support system. I move forward with the confidence that I am the best possible mom for these kids and that I am doing my best to parent these children that I have been lucky enough to be given.

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