“Your kids are so lucky!”, the stranger may say. So lucky that to have you as parents. Lucky to have been adopted.
“Oh no, we’re the lucky ones!” the parent will reply. We’re lucky to be parents.
They’re lucky, we’re lucky… can’t we just say we’re all lucky?
My son is an amazing little guy. He can spell his name and a few other words. He can sing and carry a tune. He can make up the most imaginative stories. I am so lucky to be a mom to this kid. He’s smart and adorable and he shines like a star. He also hates naps, forgets to use his words at times, and bosses people around if they let him. He is a Drama King. Even so, I’m still lucky.
But there is another side to the story. Jack’s birthmother’s situation is unstable. She is a young, single mom parenting two small children. Her children’s fathers are not a part of their lives. I see that, and I know what Jack’s life would be like if she had chosen to parent. He wouldn’t have doting grandparents and extended family who think he’s the bee’s knees. He wouldn’t be in preschool, or always know where he was going to sleep at night. So yes, my son is lucky.
I have no intention of pointing this out to him, and I certainly wouldn’t stoop to trying to make him feel grateful because of it. We are all lucky for the same reason – Jack’s birthmother made a smart choice. I am grateful to her for making that choice. I know she’s doing the best she can, and I’m proud of her for the courage it took to give Jack a different life.
I understand the reason that we want to say, “Oh no, I’m the lucky one!”. Adoptive parents aren’t saints. We don’t (or shouldn’t) adopt children to rescue them. We’re not doing anything that other parents, adoptive or otherwise, wouldn’t do for their children. We don’t want to perpetuate the myth that adoption is somehow a noble calling, not to be undertaken by mere mortals.
On the other hand, why shouldn’t we admit that our children are lucky to have us? This past week, some close friends lost their father to cancer. When it comes to parents, these four people are the luckiest children I know. They grew up with warm, loving parents who encouraged them to be the best they could be. They weren’t adopted. But they were lucky.
“Your kids are so lucky!”
“Yes. We’re all lucky!”
[...] We’re All Lucky: this post had been in my brain for years until I finally let it out. [...]