O.k., let's stir things up a bit. I still have a few more posts to complete to have my full definition of what adoption means to me, and I will have those before the end of the month. I will also be choosing a winner for the Curls National Adoption Month giveaway on Nov. 30. Good luck to everyone, and if you have not yet participated, make sure you visit this post and enter the giveaway.

Today I am going to start to tackle a more complicated topic, and that is choosing what age child you are going to adopt.

One of the first things that adoptive parents have to put thought into when they are starting their adoption process, is what age of child they hope to adopt.

I recently had someone contact me that was just starting to look into the idea of adopting, and when I asked what age of child they were interested in adoption, her response was along the lines of, "Well, a baby of course."

I have to admit that her response saddened me a bit. I have said over and over on this blog that every family has to decide for themselves what age child is right and that I don't judge those who request a "healthy infant as young as possible", and yet at the same time, it does sadden me to think of all of the toddlers, school-aged children and teenagers waiting for a home, while adoptive parents line up and wait to adopt babies.

Babies are wonderful. In fact, there are few things in the world as amazingly wonderful as a newborn baby. The way that they feel in your arms, the way that they smile at you with complete trust, love and awe and even the way that they smell (most of the time) are all some of life's treasures. I love, love, love babies.

When considering adoption, it is not hard to see how many people believe that babies are "less risky" than adopting older children. People expect babies to adjust, attach and bond to a new family more quickly and easily than older children. Babies come with less memories, less learned behaviors and less life experiences. Most people see getting a child as young as possible as a benefit and advantage to attachment. (While many people think this way and it may often be true that babies are easier in some ways than older children, it is also important to know that even young babies can have very challenging adjustments and significant attachment issues, while some older children settle right in to their new families and attach relatively easily).

On one hand, choosing to adopt must be a decision made based on a true desire for a child on the part of the adoptive parents and not a desire to do "a good thing" or to perform some great act of charity (such as "saving a child"). Following that line of thinking, if over 80% of adoptive parents want healthy babies as young as possible (which is a statistic I have heard time and time again but do not really know how accurate it is or is not), then that is perfectly o.k. However as strongly as I feel that adoptive parents have the right and even obligation to adopt a child that they truly desire and is going to be a good fit in their family, I also feel equally strongly that adoption should always be and must be about finding parents for children who need them, and not about finding children for parents who want them.

The reality is that while there are plenty of young infants needing adoptive parents, the majority of orphaned children awaiting adoption are not young, healthy infants. They are toddlers. They are preschool-aged children. They are school-aged children. They are pre-teens. They are teenagers (ack). They are siblings groups of all sizes and ages. They are special needs children of all ages. These kids need and deserve homes and families and they are waiting.

In my next few posts I will share some of the benefits of adopting toddlers, school-aged children, teenagers and special needs children.

* Photo from Liquid Library