Sometimes I get tired of hearing about all that kids “lose” in adoption. Of course we all know that children who have been adopted have lost their birth parents, their extended birth families and sometimes their birth countries, birth cultures, etc. I would never discount these losses, ignore them or sweep them under the proverbial rug.

And yet I think sometimes people get so caught up in focusing on all the loss, that they forget how much good comes out of adoption too. I look at my son from Ethiopia. He was an orphan of the true sense, with both of his parents deceased. International adoption may have taken him away from his home country and culture and all that was familiar to him, and yet what was the alternative for him? Leave him in an orphanage in Africa? What would his life have been? What would have been his future? Now he has a safe and secure home, the promise of an education, all the medical care he will ever need and most importantly, a loving family that will love him and cherish him always.

Look at my two older girls. They were relinquished to us directly from their birth mother, who was extremely abusive and neglectful to them. Foster care was in their future if an adoptive family was not found. Yes, they had to leave the only family they knew, their friends, their school and their lives. And yet, what was their alternative? Leave them in an abusive home? Let them be put into foster care where they would be among countless other older African American siblings hoping to find a home? What would their lives have been like? What would have been their future? Now they live in a safe and secure home, where we don’t hurt, neglect or belittle our children. They are truly loved and adored, and are thriving in school, all sorts of activities and are overall blossoming with a newfound self-confidence that I attribute to unconditional love, security in the home and a real sense of family.

I could go on with examples of my other children as well, but I think you get the idea.

Yes, my children will have to deal with issues related to being adopted, and issues related to being raised in a transracial family. But when you think about what their alternatives were, and what issues they would be dealing with in their first lives, I think it is a pretty good trade off.

I read somewhere that every adoptive parent should have the confidence and the knowledge that they are the best possible parent for their children. I know that to be true in my heart. In the world in which we live and the realities that exist in their lives, I am the best possible mom for them. Their lives are not perfect, but adoption has given my kids the very best chance of a positive future. I do not feel guilty that some of my kids are adopted, or that I am white and some of my children are black and Asian. They will grow up loved, educated, cared for, respected and taught to have pride in who they are and where they are from. They will be taught to be proud of the color of their skin, and yet not to judge others by the color of theirs. They will know unconditional love, and will see in this large multicultural family, that love does not distinguish between what color we are or how we came to be a family. I think more children should be so lucky.