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A topic that comes up a lot on email groups and boards is family size, and when adding “one more” child is right.
I have heard a lot of people say that adoption is addicting, and it definitely can be. It is hard to not consider adopting again after going through the miracle of adoption, seeing how blessed you are when it is said and done, and also witnessing how many, many children there are in need of homes and families.
I can’t count how many families I know that traveled to adopt a baby, and upon meeting the older children in the orphanage, decided to go back and adopt an older child.
I know families who have adopted one child, and their family is perfect to them, and they are happy and they have no intention of adopting again.
I know families who adopted one child, and then continued on adopting several more children until they felt confident that their family was just right, and built a large, transracial family (like mine).
And I know families who adopted one child, and then continued to adopt children, and have decided that they are not going to be “done”, but will continue to adopt and love children as they come them, no matter how many that may be.
There is no one right way to plan your family…one child or 20…either is “right” if that works for you.
There are lots of different reasons why a family might decide to adopt again. One reason that is fairly common in transracial adoptions is that they don’t want their first adopted child to be the only “different” child in the family as far as race goes. This is not a good reason to adopt if it is the only reason, but it did play into our decision to adopt again after we got Maggie home…we didn’t want her to be our only Asian child or our only adopted child.
I do love the balance of our family…that no one “sticks out” as different. I remember worrying about Marcus when he first came home as a newborn, and how much I didn’t want him to be the only dark face on my wall of pictures…now, two and a half years later, we have as many black people in our family as we do white!
If you are trying to decide whether or not to adopt again, here are some questions I would suggest you ask yourself (and your spouse if you have one!)
-Do you have a real desire to love, care for and parent another child?
-Are you financially able to care for another child? (this is one that a lot of people worry about, but honestly, once you are raising a family, I have not seen a huge difference in having “one more”).
-Can you afford another adoption? (Our answer to this one has always been “no”, but we always found ways to make to work…there are lots of ways…you can check out my posts on “How to Fund an Adoption” for some ideas and help).
-How will adding another child affect your family balance and the children you already have?
-Are you ready to handle the stress of adoption…both of the process and of the adjustment of adding a new child? I have always felt that the blessings always far outweigh the stresses, but at the same time, it is definitely true that the process, the paperwork and the waiting are stressful, and that adding a new child to your family is a big change. If you wait for your life to be “stress free” or perfect you will never adopt again, but at the same time, it is smart to consider what else you have going on in your life and being sure you are really ready for another adoption.
-How has your other adopted child (or children) attached, adjusted and bonded? If you already have a child that is struggling, they may benefit from having more time with you before you add to your family again. If your family is still working on getting into a groove, it may not be the best time to adopt again. We have done several adoptions very close together, but when we did, our kids at home were all doing wonderfully and we truly felt ready to go at it again.
-How do you feel about it? Sometimes all the logic in the world, one way or another, doesn’t matter if you listen to your heart.
That is the advice I have for the moment. I welcome other thoughts you have on the topic. See my next post for my thoughts on our family size… 
I would take it a step further and ask yourself if you are you ready for the worst adoption experience you can think of (attachment issues, medical issues, etc)? Then, you’ll be overly prepared when things work out fine.