Here is a topic I have heard come up a lot with transracial families… the “where to live” topic. I have heard people living in predominantly white neighborhoods voice concerns about adopting transracially. I have heard from people living in the South voice concerns about adopting transracially. I have even heard from people living in very diverse areas voice concerns about adopting transracially because of prejudice and stereotypes that tend to exist in diverse cities.

If you live in a predominantly white community, how is your child of a minority race going to feel standing out physically? How are they going to develop a strong self esteem and a healthy appreciation of their culture, heritage and who they are? If you live in the South, will your family be accepted? Will lingering racial tensions lead to your family being ostracized? If you live in a big diverse city, will your AA son be treated as a “stereotypical black teenager”? Will his AA peers treat him differently when they find out he has white parents? Which “community” will your family belong too?

These are all legitimate concerns (and there are plenty of others) that I have heard voiced by real parents that have either already adopted transracially or were contemplating it.

Many of the experts recommend a combination of interacting with people of your child's race, living in multicultural areas and finding same-race role models for your child. The logic behind these recommendations is clear.

I have to admit that our family does not live in a multicultural neighborhood. We live in a small rural area in the Rocky Mountains. There are lots of other adopted children and our neighbors are an African American family, but the reality here is that the overwhelming majority of people are white. We wondered if it would be the right thing to do when we first adopted transracially, and even looked into moving to somewhere more diverse, but we decided that this was home, and we truly believe that we can do a good job raising children of another race here.

We do have to travel to find cultural opportunities that would be all around if we lived in a more diverse city, We drive to a nearby state for a Black History Month fair and other Families for African American Awareness events and for Korean heritage get-togethers and Asian New year parties. We go out of our way to network with other transracial families. We read books, watch movies, buy magazines and truly try to fill our home with multicultural materials.

I guess we won’t know until our children are grown, but I believe it is working. We found that there were many benefits of raising our children in our community. For one, there are lots of adoptive families. For two, the community is amazingly supportive of adoptive families, whether they are transracial adoptions or not. It is a small town where most people know each other. My kids have developed great self esteems from having teachers, principals, church leaders, coaches, neighbors, etc. all know them by name and as individuals and treat them as such, whether they are with us, or at school or elsewhere. My kids have seen neighbors bring us dinner, secret Santas delivering the true meaning of Christmas, the community pitching in to help others in need and many other life lessons in compassion, love and support that they may not have gotten living somewhere else. And for Josh and I, it is sort of like having a big old extended family. We truly feel that we have the proverbial “village” to help raise our children. J

Our community has plowed our driveway while we were gone in the winter, mowed our grass when I was home alone in the summer and sent us off to Ethiopia with a jar full of money and more shoes, clothes, medicines, diapers, toys and other donations than we were able to carry. But perhaps the best thing our community has done is loved our children. As our kids have come to our family, they have been embraced with open arms and welcomed at school, church and elsewhere, no matter their race or previous circumstances. My kids have also seen their brothers and sisters be welcomed in likewise as we have added to our family. To me, the difference between having our family be not just tolerated and able to fit in, but truly loved and supported by our community, makes here home.

So I guess my answer to the “where to live question”, is that there is no magical perfect equation of a place to raise a transracial family. I know of people happily raising their African American children in the deep South. I know people in New York City who found the perfect community to raise their transracial family. And I know other families out here in the boonies, who love where they are raising their children.

Listen to what the experts say and the logic behind it. I do think that if we lived here and completely ignored the fact that most of our children are not white and did not seek out cultural opportunities and same-race role models, etc. that it would be very detrimental. But, I also think that each family needs to find the right “home” for them, and when you are willing to make your children’s overall well being your priority, that you can do a good job raising your transracial family almost anywhere.

So what do you think?? Let me know. Do you live somewhere that is just perfect to raise a transracial family?? Tell us about it. Are you struggling trying to raise a transracial family somewhere? Tell us that too. I’d love to hear how all of you feel about this one.