There is no doubt that when you are a transracial adoptive family, you are going to draw the attention of others when you are out in public. Much of the attention will be positive, some will be intrusive and some will be down right rude.

While it is hurtful to adoptive parents to have their families’ validity questioned, it is even more hurtful and upsetting to the children who were transracially adopted to hear these comments or to be put on the spot with prying questions by people they do not know.

I recommend that all transracial adoptive parents put some time and effort into preparing their families for the questions and comments they may receive, so that kids can be ready for them and not be caught off guard.

A little bit of preparation and discussion with your kids can really pay off. You can help your children to feel more confident in answering questions, help them to be more resilient in difficult situations and help them better handle the reactions of people in public towards your family.

I know my kids get lots of questions from friends and teachers at school, but I had not ever been witness to any of the conversations. On our recent vacation, our family was playing together in a swimming pool, when a teenager started firing questions at my 12 year-old (who is black). I kept my distance but listened to how the conversation went.

I was really proud of Mercy and how she handled everything. When she was asked the difficult question of why her birthmother put her up for adoption, she said, “She loved us, but she was not able to take care of us and wanted us to have a better life and future.” When the other girl asked her which of the kids were really mine (and pointed to me), Mercy said, “We are all really hers.”

That’s the message I want my kids to get.

Continue reading in my next post for tips on preparing your kids for reactions to your family.

Transracial Families Out in Public