Brief backstory: I was born and raised in California, went to school in Pennsylvania, moved back to California for one year, and then moved to New Hampshire. My husband and I lived in New Hampshire for six years. We moved back to California almost five years ago. To make a long story short, we want to move back to New Hampshire. We think.
Let’s compare, for a moment, the populations of these two states, courtesy of the US Census Bureau.
- New Hampshire: 95.6% White, 1.2% Black, 1% more than 2 races
- California: 76.8% White, 6.7% Black, 2.5% more than 2 races
- The City I Live In, CA: 55.9% White, 9.7% Black, 7% more than 2 racesadvertisement
I’ve often joked that there are two black people in New Hampshire (and I know both of them). New Hampshire is the fourth whitest state in the US. (As of 2006, the whitest state is Maine, followed by Vermont, and then West Virginia.)
If we send Jack to school in New Hampshire, he could actually be the only brown kid in his class. Growing up as the brown child of white parents, even if he does have a brown sibling, has got to be tough. I don’t think it’s as tough as it was 30 years ago, but it is going to be challenging. Here in California, he is one of the “colors of the Earth” to paraphrase a new book we like. His preschool has children of all colors and races. One family we’ve become friends with is Indian and Caucasian, for example. Two new “dark brown” children have joined his class, bringing the “brown kid” total to five (of seven).
In New Hampshire, we have a larger support system. Jack’s godparents live there. Most of our close friends live there. My husband thinks that these connections are more important than diversity. He argues that being surrounded by strangers of multiple colors is not as important as being surrounded by our mostly white, very loving friends. (Of course, we could make brown friends, but that’s another post.)
I don’t know. I truly believe that diversity is important. We’d sacrifice that if we moved to New Hampshire. Unfortunately, we can’t get all of our friends to move to a commune in California. (We would if we could!)
So, what would you do? Would you go where your support network is strongest, even if your child would be the minority? Or would you essentially forego those friendships to create new ones in a more diverse location?
Certainly, there are other factors in whether or not to make a cross-country move. How important would this one factor be to you?
I tend to agree with your husband.
A loving family and strong friends trumps diversity. If something happened to the two of you, who would be raising your son? If it is a family in New Hampshire, then that is where you should be. If, on the other hand, you have such close ties with someone in California that you would entrust them with your child, then you are already “planted” and should stay.
I grew up in the 70s and I was the only Bi-racial child in an all-Black city and my single mother (black) worked two jobs to ensure I went to a “White” private school because it was better.
As of now the most important thing in a child’s life is safety and love. No matter where you go someone will likely tease your child, what matters is how the teachers and community will respond (in my childhood Black schools were like hell for Bi-racial kids while White private schools, condescendingly, bent over backwards to get kids like me in)not if your child can find another kid just like him.
In other words, my advice is to worry less about how the school or town looks and more about how it is. The best thing for any child is a good education.
A hard decision. We live in a primarly white neighborhood and I have to really work (drive) it get to diversity. We have all of our family here to help us though and we love the kids knowing their cousins and grandparents.
We have thought about sending our kids to the school in another town for more diversity, but the school district isn’t known for its grades. Right now we are staying put for now, but I dream of moving to a bigger city by the time the kids are in high school.
Just take it one step at a time and know that to find diversity isn’t always convienent, but necessary.
Why not move to Massachusetts? It’s a little bit more diverse than Maine and NH, has a black governor, very good schools and a housing market that is less pricey than Silicon Valley. (Still pricey, but due to economic conditions as they are, prices are coming down on some nice places.) You’d still be close to family and friends in NH. Just a thought. Sometimes decisions are not so black and white. Sometimes you have to open yourself to more possibilities than you were considering and the answer presents itself to you. Good luck on making this decision.
@MamaS: Actually, Jack’s guardians live in New Mexico. Loonnngggg story… No, there’s no one in CA I would trust with Jack at this time.
@redalertsblog: Thank you for sharing! I should ask my black friends in NH how they got along growing up. Here, I have a friend who tells me I should send Jack to a particular prep school, because they love “diversity” and Jack would get a scholarship for a great education.
@MandyW: We’re surrounded by so many different people, it’s easy to find diversity. It’s harder to find meaningful contact with people. In NH, we’d have the meaningful contact, but really no easily accessible diversity.
@colgoo: Not a bad idea! We like NH because it doesn’t have the sales tax or income tax, of course, but the property taxes are so much higher. If we lived close to the border, it just might work out. Mass. has more jobs too! Hmm…
Intellectually I agree with what others have said about being near family being more important than diversity BUT (ya knew there was a but coming didn’t you?) part of me is disagreeing quite vehemently. I’m not adopted but I am bi-racial. I’ve grown up as an army brat so live in many places some more diverse than others. At this point in my life I resent my father for where he chose to retire. I resent that I am often the only minority in the room. I HATE it here and the lack of diversity is one of the reasons. I am planning to move as soon as I finish school and I’m sure that will break my father’s heart but I can’t take it any longer.
I think you are stressing over the fact your child is bi-racial. Don’t make him feel that he is differant. Children need to be secure. Our foster daughter, soon to be our adopted daughter is bi-racial. She is the only biracial child in her classroom and I do not believe any of the other children notice she looks differantly then they do. She is comfortable in her skin. Today it is certainly more accepted then decades ago. Bullies are out there and yes someone will tease him, whether its the color of his skin, the fact he wears glasses, or is to fat or to skinny. You need to teach your child its whats on the inside that counts. Good luck.
I agree that living in a diverse community is important, but so is living near relatives. We live near Boston (which is only 1 hour south of New Hamshire). Our community is VERY diverse, in fact my son is Vietnamese and people just assume my husband is also Vietnamese and not white (I have to explain my son is adopted). Rec – move to Massachusetts.
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